Lifted: Like a wispy skirt in a strong wind

This past week has been a whirl wind of sick and work and from sick and work straight to a three day conference.  I've been feeling a bit as though I'm being pulled in a hundred directions.  I have two reactions to overwhelming business -- sleep and procrastination.

Sometimes, if I'm really good, I procrastinate through sleeping.

I'm like a role model, really.

The last few months (well, let's face it... 18 months) have been hard to get through.  While my personal life is actually pretty great, I am completely assaulted by my professional life which is draining my soul and my will to live.

This three day conference was just another thing on my list of stuff to do that I really regretted offering to be part of.  However, much to my surprise, I was wrong.  (Please note date and time.  This will not be repeated.)

The last topic of the conference was about compassion and kindness.  I know, I know.  SNORE.  But I found myself actually being drawn into the touchy-feely pander and realized that I have things pretty good and maybe it's time to start appreciating it.  It's time to stop being mopey and start being the person that others are glad to be around because she brings joy into their lives rather than just slight amusement at her acerbic wit.

Part of the discussion went to who has made an impact on our lives in a strong, uplifting, supportive way.  I went through the list: my Mom, my grade 5 teacher, my Grandma, my best friend from high school, my best friend from church camp, my sisters, and my husband.

I was so touched by this reminder that I have had important people in my life that I immediately emailed my husband to thank him for being such a huge part of the reason I am not standing in a watchtower with a rifle.  And, since I was already texting with my sister (during the presentation... I'm a bad listener, but a great multi-tasker) I emailed her as well and thanked her for being part of my list of people who lift me up.

I lifted you up? By making fun of you?
No, you ass.  In my life.  In general.  Not just now.  PS: I'm taking you off the list.
Oh. I STILL LIFT YOU UP AND YOU KNOW IT.

I am thankful that the people who are important to me can take something sincere and make it into something absurd.  It makes me know I chose the right ones.

Appreciating the little things. #reverb10

December 14 Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Prompt by @victoriaklein)

I was in a mood.

I'm often in a mood, so this one was not surprising.  It was cold and blowy out, cold and blowy in, and I was stuck working on things at home on my day off.   After 4 hours crouched over the dining room table looking at the same information, I decided enough was enough.  I was going outside.

I huffed while I put on my ski-pants, I puffed while I put on my scarf.   I pouted while I dressed Monty in his little knitted sweater and stewed as I tried to stuff him into his harness.

Did I mention I was in a mood?

Finally, we were outside.  Monty was a bundle of excitement.  It had been a day or two since he'd been out for any longer than a run to his "spot" and back inside as fast as he could.  We trudged through the snow piles of our bay and headed out to explore.  Monty so desperately wanted to run.  He tugged and strained and leaped and pleaded to be let loose.

So I let him loose.

He took off like a shot.  I thought I may never see him again.  He just ran and ran and ran.  I called his name sharply -- like an impatient mother whose child is getting too far ahead.  He stopped on a dime, spun around and grinned at me.

Full mouth open, tongue hanging to the side, eyes bright with mischievousness, he grinned at me.  Then he came running back at a full gallop with his ears and tongue flying behind him.  About a foot in front of me, he leaped up in the air and slammed into my legs.  He danced around me for a moment as I patted his sides and off he ran again as far and as fast as he could go.

At first, I didn't know what to think of it.  He was so happy.  It was miserably cold out, I was grouchy and he was thrilled to be there.

I realized how often that is my problem.  I'm there, in the moment, and I'm grouching about something else.  I was complaining about the wind, but I wasn't enjoying the freedom.  I wasn't enjoying the run.

The rest of the walk, I let Monty run as hard and as fast as he could.  Then, I called him back laughingly and he came tearing back only to slam into my legs.  We enjoyed every moment of the rest of the walk.  I didn't worry about the cold, the wind, the snow.  I didn't worry about work, home, union, or family.  It was amazing.

I just enjoyed watching my dog have the greatest time of his life.

There had to be something good about yesterday

Yesterday was a terrible, no good, terrible, horrible, sucktacular day.  But when it's that bad, it is important to find anything good about it.

1. I sat on the deck with a book, a drink, music and enjoyed an hour of just relaxing.
2. A little baby with a golden smile, nestled his head into my neck and fell asleep immediately.
3. The look on the faces of the teenage girls when I confronted them with truth they thought I couldn't possibly know.
4. Comfort food.  Even if it comes well over 12 hours after you ate anything else.
5. Knowing a warm puppy and a loving husband are at home waiting.

When THANK GOD isn't just an expression

It's not often I talk about God or faith here.  I tend to be private in regards to my relationship with God.  Mostly because I'm a big, fat failure and don't ever want people to judge God or faith by my actions.  Because, for the most part, my actions SUCK.  Sometimes even my intentions aren't good. 

But, this segment from Crosswalk.com made me think about my life and what I am thankful for when and why.  It also made me realize I haven't been very thankful lately. And considering today is Thanksgiving, this is a good day to do it.

Giving Thanks and Praise Always


If we get in an automobile accident and come out alive, we typically thank God for sparing our lives. But do you ever just thank God for saving your life as you drive home from work and don't have an accident? Isn't that even better?


I heard a story that poignantly illustrates this. At church one day a family heard about a significant love offering given by a father in memory of his son who had died on the battlefield. On the way home, the wife asked her husband, "Why don't we give a love offering for our son?" He said, "Why? Our son wasn't killed." She said, "Don't you think that's a good reason?"

I need to remember to be thankful.  For the things I forget to even look at.  I had started Grace in Small Things and was finding it really great to remember the little things that were good.  Like everything else I start, I got distracted by something shiny and never looked at it again.  I am thankful.  I just take for granted that everyone (God included) knows that I am thankful and hope that's enough.  It's not.

So, here is a list of things I am thankful for. 

•  I am thankful for The Guy.  He came into my life at a time when I needed to grow up so others could grow up.  He is a wonderful man who compliments my life and makes me a better person.
• I am thankful for my family. All of them. Even the crazy ones.
• I am thankful for a job I love with people I love.  I am thankful for the friends this job has provided me with and that they have my back.  Even when I don't deserve it.
• I am thankful for my friends.  The ones I can call for emergency dessert eating and bitching.
• I am thankful for my dog, Monty, who is cuddly and makes me happy.

That is all for now.  Be thankful.  That's an order.

Things I am thankful for at 3am

1. Even though I went to bed at midnight and my body decided two hours of sleep was plenty, I'm feeling rested and got to see The Guy off to work this morning.
2. Monty has a new toy with a bum rattle. He is very confused by this.
3. My new banner seems to be a hit.
4. Peanut Buster Parfaits are good. I had one last night and am still very pleased by it.
5. Only 25 days until the wedding. I am simultaniously excited and petrified by this. However, I am more prepared than I was before and it will be a good party regardless.
6. Knowing I can totally go back to sleep for 8 more hours if I really wanted to.
   

Days of Grace: Today

Since I have obviously lost track (I mean, I haven't done one of these since JUNE!) I am not numbering them any more. I'm just going to do one when the mood strikes me.

1. Montel got a hair cut. He is soft and fuzzy. And covered in dandruff which might actually be dog skin that was stuck in the razor they shave him with, but I don't want to think about that.
2. Listening to the rain in an otherwise silent room.
3. Deep bathtubs. To quote the Golden Girls "I'm am going to draw a bath so the water gently covers the tips of my nipples." "You're only going to bathe in an inch of water?"
4. The fence looks better every day. It's getting close to completion.
5. Talking to Grandma. She is buckets of crazy.
   

Days of Grace: Day 190

1. A 45 minute catch up call with my old partner Lorraine. She turns 70 this year. Hard to believe. She remains one of my greatest friends and is still my mentor.
2. Today was one day closer to 2 weeks holidays.
3. More packing is done. Not much left to go.
   
4. I am not working with morons at this particular moment.
5. Because I am not at work!
   

Days of Grace: Day 189

1. Janny came over tonight to clean while I finished some packing and organizing. She cleaned the disgusting stove and fridge. It was the nicest gift anyone could have given me!
2. Went for ice cream with Crazybarefeet and her kids. It was a nice treat after a long day.
3. The house is very nearly all whipped into shape. Not much left to pack now.
4. A long hot bath to soak my aching body and feet.
5. Monty as he scratches and paws at the covers to get them into the perfect shape to sleep on.
6. Knowing in a few seconds, I am going to move all those covers he worked so hard on.
   

Days of Grace: Day 188

1. The sound of Monty's tail hitting the back of the couch when I tell him I love him
2. Hot dogs at a football game
3. Sisters and friends who help me calm down after a good rant
4. Finishing Season 3 of NCIS
5. Knowing there is a Season 4
   

Days of Grace: Day 187

1. The lawn is mowed.
2. I'm ready for my stupid, effing, useless meeting tomorrow.
3. Monty is sleeping and cute.
4. Tomorrow I might not be so grouchy.
5. I'm going to eat cereal from the box now.
   

Days of Grace: Day 186

1. Rain that comes down in sheets, soaking you in the run from the house to the car, or surprising you on a walk with the dog.
2. The sound of a running fan.
3. My Rider bunny hug that is soft and warm and thick.
4. Completed marriage prep.
5. Carrying out 5 bags of garbage and knowing it's just one more thing you don't have to pack.
   

Days of Grace: Day 185

1. A well-paced walk around the lake - perfect temperature and a Big Gulp.
2. Marley and Me. We watched it tonight for the first time. We laughed for 3/4 and I cried for the rest. Such a good movie.
3. Freshly mowed lawn by someone who was not me. Thanks to The Guy!
4. My new professional grade hair straightening iron. It's purty.
5. New Moon trailer. Yes, I've watched it again. And again.
   

Days of Grace: Day 183

Decided to get back into the habit of doing this. So many good things happening, I want to keep track of them.

1. Two more marriage prep meetings left before the wedding.
2. Means we are that much closer to be married.
3. I have started packing some things.
4. The air tonight smells like honeysuckles and lilacs. My favourite combination.
5. Watching Monty scrunch all the blankets into submission before he lays down. Knowing all the while I'm going to steal them back later.
   

Days of Grace: Day 173

1. Buying a NEW HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
2. The satisfactory snap of a pea pod.
3. Short bursts of rain.
4. Being so excited that cleaning seems like a good idea.
5. Sleeping puppies and waddling ducks.
   

Days of Grace: A big number I can't remember

1. Invitations are mailed!!
2. Brother, sis-in-law and sister came home for the weekend.
3. They left with a truck load of crap from my garage!
4. Star Trek!!!
5. A house full of guests crowded around the table with a great supper in front of them.
   

Days of Grace: I've lost track

I haven't felt particularly grateful days. I mean, there have been good things, but I am so tired I haven't wanted to talk about them. But, I think it's time I stop being such a putz and get back on the horse.

1. A long walk to the park to play ball with Monty. He's now passed out on the floor panting. I feel less stressed and calmer.
2. I have a really good head start on invites. I'm pleased with how they are turning out.
3. I took the day off from house showings today. I didn't make my bed, do dishes, tidy up after myself, nothing. I feel much better.
4. The Guy bought me flowers yesterday. Pretty ones.

Today, 5 is too many. I'm going to ease back into it.

Days of Grace: Day 158

1. Neighbour baby came over for an hour today. We played and she taunted Monty. It was fun.
2. I got NCIS Season 2 box set borrowed from a friend.
3. A great lunch with a blogger friend at a greasy spoon. Awesome grease, bacon, fries, and gravy. Mmmm
   
4. Worthers Originals.
5. Sudden bursts of rain.
   

Days of Grace: Day 155

1. After two years together, The Guy let me drive his truck. That proves it's love.
2. I have house guests this weekend. Of course I'm working nights, so I don't get to see them at all, which sucks, but I love that they are here!!
3. A good day of sleep for the first time in weeks.
4. Exciting possibilities in houses and futures.
5. I spent the morning holding hands with an older, heavy, middle aged, cognitively challenged man who had the strength of 10 men. It was a little like hanging out with a giant toddler with super human strength. He tried to hug me and I had visions of Of Mice and Men.
   

Days of Grace: 151

I skipped a few days. It's not that I wasn't thankful, I just didn't care.

1. Getting out of a night shift to sit around all day and read. Go union!
2. Dollarama. I love that store. I can buy everything I want and still only spend $10.
   
3. Quantum of Solace. I don't care what people said, I liked it.
   
4. Bananas. Fun to eat and spell!
5. Bought The Guy his wedding band today.
   

Days of Grace: 149

1. Montel took his headless cat on the walk with him. He was very proud.
2. Janny's birthday party - her family is so funny. And there was ice cream cake.
3. Ice cream cake.
4. Lunch with work friends - nothing but bonding.
5. Montel stares at me pensively and then lunges to give kisses. I had a boyfriend like that once. Montel is cuter.