As promised: a give away!

There is nothing I love more than shelving.  Don't even get me started on bathroom shelving.  I heart shelves.  I have a dream of pretty floating bathroom shelves with rolled towels and subtle knick knacks making my bathroom look regal.

In reality, the towels are flung over the shower curtain and the McLeans is left open on the counter because that's as far as I got during my bathroom interlude.

Now, I'm much cleaner now that I live with The Guy, but still I dream about bathroom shelves with rolled towels that make me think I'm in a spa.

So, why am I telling you this?  Right, the give away!

The good people at CSN Stores have offered one of my faithful peoples a gift certificate for me to auction off.  Actually, I'm supposed to give it away.  Though, an auction would be fun.  I would even take wildlife as a currency.

I digress.  The CSN Store has lots of awesome household things including bathroom shelves, rolled towels, AND knick knacks.  You don't have to choose those though.

Anywho, a $35 is available to someone who will be randomly selected from the comment section of this post.  I will use a random selector thingy (or, ask my coworker to pick a number) and then I will mail out your certificate!

Get commenting!  Added: Date closes on Dec 5th at 11:59 my time.

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For those lurker people who don't or don't know how to comment, here's the low down: Click on "buggering crap monkies say what?" at the bottom of this post.  Once on the comment page, click the menu box.  It will open up and give you options.  You can choose to just use your name, or you can choose Anonymous and put your name in the comments.  Good luck!

Bedding-ba-da-boom*

I have been eyeing up a new comforter and bed set for the last week. It is all I can do not to journey to the store and make it mine. What is hold me back, you may ask? Practicality. WTF? Never!

No, really, it's true. The practicality of what will happen to the lovely linen is the only thing keeping it from currently adorning my bed at this very moment. It is the most beautiful shade of powdery blue and chocolate brown. It has dark brown threads embroidered on the pillows as leaves crawling across the bed. It is pretty and delicate and wonderful. I cannot put such lovely material through such an ordeal as it would surely meet at the hands of my dogs.

Let me explain what is currently on my bed. Hmm. It's worse than I thought. Currently there are three pillows: one down, one cotton and one memory foam. There are two comforters. One deep royal purple and lilac that I made in university to match a Mongolian sheepherders vest that hung on my wall. The second is a quilt I made out of Tshirts that list the rules of PMS and threaten people for chocolate. There are two blankets. One is a sea foam green and salmon quilt my grandmother made me. The other is my current bedspread of corduroy patches of blue, green and beige. Finally, there are three dogs, 4 rawhide bones, two headless toys, a squeaky ball (quite disconcerting when one rolls over at 4 am, let me tell you) and a wrapper to a candy.

This is the reason I cannot bring anything pretty into this room. My dogs all sleep with me. And they all bring toys and/or chew bones to accompany them. Then, as I sleep, they chew merrily away at their rawhides leaving gooey spit pools on my bedspread. These pools harden into stringy messes that look as though a large ogre has boogered on my bed. No matter what you do, washing the blankets does not get out the dried booger. No. matter. what. you. do.

I am a grownup with booger blankets.

I'm just going to ponder that for a minute and weep.

Now, there are a few solutions for this dilemma.

1. Kill the dogs. I mean, teach the dogs to sleep somewhere else. The Guy doesn't understand why I allow them to sleep with me anyway. However, I am lonely without my doggies and they keep me warm. I love them. Shut up and judge someone else. Maybe someone with cats.
2. Buy the bedding and cover it with something (I almost wrote someone!) ugly that the dogs can destroy with their drooling. Uncover it when I want it to look pretty.
3. Not allow rawhides on my bed. (This also equates to: Never sleep during the day again.)

This is all I can think of to solve the booger bed problem. All I can do for now is dream of a real grown up room with space and cleanliness and organization and beautiful colours.

*alternate title: I am so lame, I actually chuckled when I thought of this title.

For what it's worth

I have been thinking of selling the furniture sets that belonged to my parents. They bought Roxton Maple furniture in 1974. It was the height of fashion and of things that will last an eternity. I have a very little house and two houses worth of furniture smooshed into it. I love the furniture, but only because it reminds me of my Mom and my childhood. Aesthetically? Not as much.

I've been trying to price things out and find out what the bedroom and dining room sets are worth. I've looked online and on EBay and anywhere I can think of, but have not found anything that is really what I have in my home. (Although, I did find many people looking for the rocking chair but there is NO WAY in God's little green earth I am parting with that. Even if Ky's dog ate the legs off it.) A friend suggested calling the local Antiques shop as the woman who runs the place knows everything about everything there.

Today, I got a chance to call. A man answered the phone. He had a slight accent as though his family came over on the Mayflower and still had indentured servants. I provided him my name and said I hoped he could help me, if not with prices and such but with information. I mentioned the furniture and he drew in a breath. Then, I told him what year it was purchased in. The breath went out.

When he heard the year they were purchased, with ice dripping from his voice, he said "Those would be more appropriate for the second hand shops." And hung up.

I have to say I felt a bit chastised. As though I had offered him a piece of my own poop. In a bag.

Frivolous purchases

I am writing to you from my new computer. It arrived today. I am so happy I could pee. Actually, I did a little before I could catch myself. It is ruby red and really huge. It is remarkably light considering the fact it is bigger than my family's first TV. The keypad feels weird and awkward to my fingertips like I am somewhere I don't belong. But, I am happy.

Did I need the computer? Yes. My old computer stopped working after the move. I have been unable to access my photos, music or addresses for months. This was necessary. Could I afford it? Not really. But that is what MasterCard is for. (Don't yell at me, Julia! I have a plan!)

Ah the good ol' days

I continually look back on the 90's with fondness. I maintain there is no better music than what came out during '92-'96. I still wish it were cool to tuck in the front part of your shirt while leaving the back hanging down. I think fondly of the swoopy bangs and thick eye liner and chunky shoes. I've always thought the '90s were the greatest.

Until last night.

I went through my closet and tried on everything in it. I put a 4x4 box of clothes out for good will. The dresses I loved (gold lame over snake skin - hello!) and the shoes I wore with abandon were no longer cute in my eyes. I was crushed. My favourite velvet LBD had to be given to good will. My memories of the '90s are now tainted with the question - Did I ever look okay?

I discovered two things about myself during my trek down memory lane.

1. I was kind of a whore. Every skirt was at least 6 inches above my knee and had a half decent slit up the side. One dress I tried on barely covered my tuckus (which I proved by backing into Ky's room and bending down!)
2. I may have been a drag queen in the '90s. Please note the shoes.
   
   

Much too much

I took Tanya shopping today to replace the things that were thrown out on her at the airport. It was definitely an experience - given that she speaks just enough English and I speak no Russian. The first thing she said to me was "Bronwyn. You must speak slowly and simply." Here's some news for you all.

I can't. I cannot speak slowly or simply. I have no idea how. So, poor Tanya understood very little of what I was trying to say. Most of what we communicated was by pantomime and acting out. (You should have seen me explain "old lady slippers") The only time she really understood me was when I said "I suck." That made her laugh.

I found it really interesting, and not just a little disconcerting, to look at Canada through Tanya's eyes. I took her to Wal-Mart. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. We wandered around as she took in everything and I couldn't help but think that we have too much.

We looked for mascara. There were 17 different types. We looked for underwear. There were dozens of brands, sizes and colours. We looked at hair spray and gel. There are shelves and shelves of it all. And I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed by our need for so many options. The shelves seemed to grow before me and I realized how overwhelming it all would be for someone who was new to it all.

When we went to the grocery store, she commented on how big all our produce is. How large the apples are and how long the cucumbers. And I thought about how much we waste each week. And it made me a little sad.

Not that I would be willing to give up my right to pick from 31 flavours, but it made me think.

Christmas planning

As it is now only a month and a half until Christmas, it is time to start thinking about... ME! What I want and need and what I will buy for others that I can use and how much everyone loves me. Isn't that what Christmas is all about??

Oh... right. Baby Jesus. Well, yeah. That too.

But back to me.

I am thinking about what I want. And I was going to make a list and link to the places you can buy things. But, I got stuck in my head about one thing I want. And it does exist. I've seen it. My sister in law has one. It's a chrome baker's rack. About 3 1/2 feet tall, 3 feet wide and 1 1/2 feet deep. It is very classy and nice and I like it. And cannot find it anywhere. Pooh.

So, now I am so stuck on that, I have no idea what else I want.

Except for a new bum. Mine's cracked. (Come on, you knew that was coming.)

The world is coming to an end

I forgot to decorate for Hallowe'en. I have an uncarved pumpkin sitting on my kitchen table. Almost none of my decorations even made it out of the box, let alone onto my windows.

I have lost the will to live.

Okay, it's not that bad. To make up for it, I bought $50 of discounted Hallowe'en decorations at Lyn's friend's house party last night. So, watch out for next year.

Wardrobe top ten

I've decided to list things in my wardrobe I like and why. Why? To keep me busy and to bore the rest of you.

1. Black bunny hug. I bought it for my sister-in-law but it was too small b/c she's stacked. So, I kept it and I wear it all the time. I like hiding in the hood sometimes.
2. Leather jackets. I wish I could narrow it down to one of them. But I have 6 or 7 and I love them all. All were either bought at Value Village or second hand from friends. I have a thing for leather. And coats, really.
3. My Pinelow Park T-shirt. It's blue and I wear it all the time. ALL the time. It's like a security blanket. The letters are wearing off and fading. But I still love it!
4. My black floopy gauzy skirt. Mel picked it out for me a year or two ago and it is the best thing ever. Very pretty and girly and it twirls nice.
5. Tank tops. Again, much like the leather coats, I can't narrow it down. I own about 25 or 30 tank tops. I wear them all year round. I like the ones with the built in bra best (but you really didn't need to know that) and the Hanes mens ones I wear as pjs.
6. My burgundy leather boots. Lyn HATES these boots. I bought them about 4 years ago and have worn them damn near everyday since. They are so cool and comfy and look good (well, not according to Lyn) and they make me taller. I hate to think I should retire them. I love them so.
7. My new shoes that Mel got me for my birthday. The open toe, 4 inch heel, snake skin with gold edging. They are beautiful and sexy and so great!! I would wear them all the time, but they would look silly with my sweat pants.
8. My new blue jeans. The ones I was so excited to get and then I got home and Lyn looked at them and said "Those are exactly like mine." I still like them. Nothing is better than a good pair of jeans.
9. My Mom's sweater. It's old and beige and so ugly I would never wear it in public, but I remember it from when we were kids. People used to borrow it when they came to visit b/c Mom's house was always cold. It smelled like her for a long time.
10. My baseball cap. Grae bought it for me years ago. I begged him to buy it for me and to wear it for awhile until it got "the shape". You know, the shape of hats that only guys can get? I tried once. I looked like a trucker but before it was cool. I love my hat even though I look flipping ridiculous wearing it now that I have short hair.

Frickin' awesome day!!!

And all before 1pm! I've had a fantastic day. I am in a great mood, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the drunks have settled on the bench out front. How could things get any better???
Today, I went to the bank to meet with my loan advisor (they call her a financial counsellor, but that sounds as though my money needs a shrink) and we fixed all the problems I was having making ends meet. I now have changed my schedule for payment on my mortgage (why I thought I could pay weekly when I get paid once a month is beyond my comprehension.) I have paid off my Mastercard and don't have to worry about this month anymore.

Then, I went and got an oil change (no cute Mr. Lube boys this time though) and went shopping. I needed a pair of jeans b/c I lost some weight and the only ones I had (from when I gained it) are too big. I went in and tried one size lower. Too big. Then two sizes - too big! then Three!!! I am down three inches in the waist of my jeans. I was so excited I almost died!! So I went home and weighed myself! I am no longer allowed to make fat jokes - I am under the weight requirement. HA! That's 16 lbs since January. (Although, to celebrate I may have dry ribs for supper)

Then I took the dog to the park and we played for awhile. Since spring has come, Maddy isn't much into fetch anymore. She gets very excited to see the ball, I throw the ball and she chases it, but then she sits there and stares at it until I come and pick it up. What? Um, this defeats the purpose of fetch. But whatever. Then I went and swang on the swings. I truely believe that as long as you swing, you can never be old. It was great. The dog got very excited and tried to jump on my lap while I was in the air. So, I stopped the swing and let her on. She loves to swing!! She was very happy even though we were going back and forth. I didn't go very fast though b/c Maddy's a bit jumpy and I didn't want to freak her out.

Now I am settling into the rest of my day and am maintaining my happy mood. Thank God that I finally have some good news. I really needed it.