No, really, it's true. The practicality of what will happen to the lovely linen is the only thing keeping it from currently adorning my bed at this very moment. It is the most beautiful shade of powdery blue and chocolate brown. It has dark brown threads embroidered on the pillows as leaves crawling across the bed. It is pretty and delicate and wonderful. I cannot put such lovely material through such an ordeal as it would surely meet at the hands of my dogs.
Let me explain what is currently on my bed. Hmm. It's worse than I thought. Currently there are three pillows: one down, one cotton and one memory foam. There are two comforters. One deep royal purple and lilac that I made in university to match a Mongolian sheepherders vest that hung on my wall. The second is a quilt I made out of Tshirts that list the rules of PMS and threaten people for chocolate. There are two blankets. One is a sea foam green and salmon quilt my grandmother made me. The other is my current bedspread of corduroy patches of blue, green and beige. Finally, there are three dogs, 4 rawhide bones, two headless toys, a squeaky ball (quite disconcerting when one rolls over at 4 am, let me tell you) and a wrapper to a candy.
This is the reason I cannot bring anything pretty into this room. My dogs all sleep with me. And they all bring toys and/or chew bones to accompany them. Then, as I sleep, they chew merrily away at their rawhides leaving gooey spit pools on my bedspread. These pools harden into stringy messes that look as though a large ogre has boogered on my bed. No matter what you do, washing the blankets does not get out the dried booger. No. matter. what. you. do.
I am a grownup with booger blankets.
I'm just going to ponder that for a minute and weep.
Now, there are a few solutions for this dilemma.
Kill the dogs.I mean, teach the dogs to sleep somewhere else. The Guy doesn't understand why I allow them to sleep with me anyway. However, I am lonely without my doggies and they keep me warm. I love them. Shut up and judge someone else. Maybe someone with cats.
- Buy the bedding and cover it with something (I almost wrote someone!) ugly that the dogs can destroy with their drooling. Uncover it when I want it to look pretty.
- Not allow rawhides on my bed. (This also equates to: Never sleep during the day again.)
This is all I can think of to solve the booger bed problem. All I can do for now is dream of a real grown up room with space and cleanliness and organization and beautiful colours.
*alternate title: I am so lame, I actually chuckled when I thought of this title.