Ky asked for it.

Ky was moaning over my lack of new posts. However, I have nothing in my brain. Nothing of any interest. Not at the moment. So, instead of a new post, I will post a picture of me in Grade 6. Note that was the mid 80s. Don't laugh too hard.




Please admire the crimped hair, puffed sleeves and string of black fake pearls. Not just anyone could pull that off.

The World is ending. Part II

I wanted to decorate for Christmas today. I'll let that sink in.

It isn't even December yet. And I almost decorated the living room. I think I might be coming down with something. Ugh.

I think it's Christmas spirit.

Christmas approacheth

People keep asking me two questions:

• Have you started Christmas shopping yet?
• Have you got your Christmas decorations up?

OMG people. It's not even December. For serious.
I do not understand putting up Christmas decorations up inside while it is still November.

Putting lights up outside in November I can get. Because it is dang cold out and if you don't put them up in November, there is no chance in Hades you are getting them up any other time because your fingers will fall off. Most of the time in Saskatchewan there is a chance of frostbite in 30 seconds. 30 seconds!! You can't hang lights in that amount of time.

Now, my father and I had a tradition when I was growing up.

• Pick the coldest day of the year. Make sure it is windy and blizzarding.
  
• Put up 35 strings of lights on the house and the 20 foot tree outside the house.
  
• Do this with a wooden ladder Dad built out of scraps and a 10 foot pole made of numerous hockey sticks tied together with a hook on the end.
  
• Swear.
• Cry.
• Finish and realize that one light is burned out.
• Repeat swearing and crying until you give up and go inside.

I have a new tradition. It's called "Leave your lights up all year round. What are you stupid?"

Nice co-workers

I've been stressed as hell this last few weeks. Weeks. Who am I kidding? Months. And tonight it all came to a head. I've been trying to figure out things for Dad and Christmas and Dad's wedding and still making it so I can have a life. It has not been working well. And tonight there was a loop thrown into it and I thought my head would explode.

Just as I was about to burst into tears, my coworker, Kiwi, came up to me and set a little stuffed cow on my desk. He had gotten it from his wife from something she was at, but figured I could use the pick me up. And then he gave me a little stress ball - those ones filled of beans or something that you can squeeze the ever-loving life out of. Then I did cry!!

It's funny. I could have held it together had he been mean. But it was the niceness that got me.

Duh

I just realized my 500th post... was about what breed of dog I am. Wow. I so need a life.

TMI

Pelvic ultrasounds are not about dignity or comfort. It's a funny story, but not for public access. So girls, if you really want to know, sign up here and I will email you.

Life changing dreams

Last week, I dreamt about Mom. Now, I rarely dream about Mom. And when I do, it tends to be that she isn't dead in my dream. It's not a shocker when I wake up and realize the truth, it's just in my dreams she's normally alive. But this night, I was well aware she isn't alive and was coming to me with an important message.

You would think it would be something fantastic. When she has come to other people in dreams it has been with advice or "go do something" statements that make people start their own business or something. Her warning to me? Not so.

"You need to start making Lyn's lunches."

Yes, folks. My mother came back from the dead to tell me to make my sister's lunch.

It's always something

This morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. I am still tired from my weekend of work and I just felt like laying there forever. The dogs didn't think this was a good idea.

Monty kept leaving the bedroom and returning. I wasn't sure what he was doing, but I figured it couldn't be too bad. It wasn't until he scratched my head and dropped his treat onto my arm.

It was a potato.

I looked down at the end of the bed and there was a few potatoes. Okay... time to get up.

So, I make myself a bowl of cereal and settle myself in front of Regis and Kelly. I got 5 bites into my mouth before a car pulled up in front of my house. Maddy, who had been sitting on the floor staring at my bowl, heard Vicki bark at the new visitor. Maddy jumped straight up. Into the underside of the bowl. Which flew into the air. And landed upside down on her back.

It was like a broken pinata for how excited they all were about it. They did their best to eat all the cereal off the floor and their mom.

It is noon and I have now bathed the dog and washed the floor.

Helpful hints from Grandma Bea

Tired of those wayward sheets and blankets?
Don't want to have to make your bed after a night of tossing and turning?
Wish your night covers would just stay in place?

Try safety pins. Yes, those household safety pins will solve all your worries. Just make your bed with clean sheets as you normally would. Fold the flat sheet over the blankets at the top and use that safety pin to hold them all together. One on each side and one in the middle.

You can even go so far as to pin the bottom sheet to the mattress if you find it too is a slippery little devil. And, if you want to make sure your feet won't come uncovered in the middle of the night, you can pin all the blankets to the underside of the mattress.

You scoff now, but think of all the time you will save.

I hate teenage kids

I hate them all. Stupid frickin' teenagers. With nothing better to do than steal shit from my yard. Spoiled little teenage pricks who think they are so funny and important and wonderful. Them and their stupid, uninvolved, ineffective parents who have no idea where their kids are and who they are with and what they are doing. I hate them all.

My scarecrow was stolen from my front yard fence. He was my fall scarecrow and I had tied him to my fence with a bungy cord and a big thing of rope. And I go outside today and he is gone. Ang the cord and the rope are still there. Stupid jerk kids in my neighbourhood.

Last year, for people who read my previous blog prior to being shut down for fear I got my ass fired, will remember the same thing happening. Right around Hallowe'en, some dumb ass teens were ringing and running and stole my pumpkin and smashed it and threw things at the house and broke some bricks in the backyard. Stupid f***ing kids.

I am so angry at these kids. And there is nothing I can do. I can't tell their parents - b/c although I have a strong suspicion of who it is that has done this, I can't prove it. And his dad, the lawyer, would make me.

I want to end the miserable existance of every teen boy.