headlines

"Program offers playschool group just for kids."

Damn it, there goes my hopes for sandbox time followed by snacks.

It might be that I haven't slept much yet, but the last 15 minutes of Bones just made me bawl my head off. Makes me wish I'd made Lyn tape the whole thing instead of just the part I was going to miss.

Much too much

I took Tanya shopping today to replace the things that were thrown out on her at the airport. It was definitely an experience - given that she speaks just enough English and I speak no Russian. The first thing she said to me was "Bronwyn. You must speak slowly and simply." Here's some news for you all.

I can't. I cannot speak slowly or simply. I have no idea how. So, poor Tanya understood very little of what I was trying to say. Most of what we communicated was by pantomime and acting out. (You should have seen me explain "old lady slippers") The only time she really understood me was when I said "I suck." That made her laugh.

I found it really interesting, and not just a little disconcerting, to look at Canada through Tanya's eyes. I took her to Wal-Mart. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. We wandered around as she took in everything and I couldn't help but think that we have too much.

We looked for mascara. There were 17 different types. We looked for underwear. There were dozens of brands, sizes and colours. We looked at hair spray and gel. There are shelves and shelves of it all. And I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed by our need for so many options. The shelves seemed to grow before me and I realized how overwhelming it all would be for someone who was new to it all.

When we went to the grocery store, she commented on how big all our produce is. How large the apples are and how long the cucumbers. And I thought about how much we waste each week. And it made me a little sad.

Not that I would be willing to give up my right to pick from 31 flavours, but it made me think.

Airport security. Protecting us from perfume and pickles one day at a time.

Dad called. He and Tanya arrived in Toronto airport but missed their connecting flight to Regina. Why, you ask? (You may not have asked, but it's my story, so you're asking)

The airport security dog stopped them. He smelled something in their luggage and went crazy. Security brought them into a room and searched their luggage. What did they find, you ask?

Pickles. Dill pickles.

My dad missed his flight because of dill pickles. To me, this shows that security at the airport is getting out of hand. Especially when he told me that in Munich they made a big stink (pardon the pun) about Tanya's Chanel #5 and made her dump the whole bottle.

I feel so much safer. Don't you?

What a day it has been

I have had the most satisfying cleaning day. I went over my kitchen top to bottom (with exception of a few really gross cupboards) and tidied up everything. Now if MOSM looks in the cupboards she isn't likely to be caught in an avalanche of tupperware. (Sorry KB!)

Then I tidied my computer desk and sorted through the things that need to be filed. I didn't actually file, just made neater piles of the things that need to be filed. Like the bill from the puppies first check up. A year ago.

My house is almost completely clean. I love it. Things are sparkling. They are in order. Peace is restored again. I love it. I rocked out all afternoon to my iTunes and had a great time.

I imagine me telling you all this is much like when a person has a really satisfying poop. It's likely people don't want to know, but you just can't help but share.

Constant amusement

How people found my blog this week:

• chubby pics
• jimmy car peeing
• Trisha Yearwood is smarter than chubby Garth Brooks

Well... I hope they find what they are looking for. Not here, but somewhere.

My Saturday night

I am preparing for the arrival of my father and our mail-order step-mom. I am cleaning the house top to bottom. To make a good impression and make sure she doesn't decide to not like us and subsequently not like Dad and leave us with him again. Also, just in case she decides to look in my linen closet and sees all the dust bunnies in the back corner.

Last night, I got home from work to a fabulous meal made by crazybarefeet and then I cleaned the bathroom. Tonight I have tackled the Spare Oom, the hallway, the entry way and the bathroom. Tomorrow, the livingroom and the hallway. Then on Monday my bedroom and an overall tidy. I'm prepared. I'm preparing.

Why am I so nervous about meeting this woman? She doesn't have to like me. She just has to take my father!! Please! Please. Don't leave him alone anymore.

Logical Reasoning

Reasons I love my dog:

• she sleeps on the vent so her belly will be warm
• she loves to sit in the bathtub
• she gets indignant when I don't blow dry her hair after she's had a bath

Reasons I hate people:

• someone didn't fill the ice cube trays and put them back in the freezer empty. This obviously goes against the ice cube tray etiquette. Doesn't it??

Reasons I love shopping at Dollarama:

• who knew there was so many things I need that are only a dollar?? All in one store!
• I filled my basket to the brim and it was $12. Twelve dollars!!
• I bought the cutest dog dishes and other stuff... all of which I can't remember now.

Reasons Lyn is going to hate me when she gets home:

• Something on her computer said to update it and now she has new Internet Explorer. She hates new things. Especially when I put them on her computer without asking. I'm so dead.

Reasons I hate Amanda right now:

• "Don't you put it in your mouth, don't you stuff it in your face. Though it might look good to eat, though it might be good to taste..." has been in my head all day.

Best. junkmail. ever

I got a junkmail email from some weird address some day. It opened when I was flipping through other messages and there it was. The best junk email I have ever gotten.

Lines upon lines of "Pride and Prejudice".

How could they have known it would make my day to have Bingley's name pop up?

I hope at least I don't have a virus now.

Christmas planning

As it is now only a month and a half until Christmas, it is time to start thinking about... ME! What I want and need and what I will buy for others that I can use and how much everyone loves me. Isn't that what Christmas is all about??

Oh... right. Baby Jesus. Well, yeah. That too.

But back to me.

I am thinking about what I want. And I was going to make a list and link to the places you can buy things. But, I got stuck in my head about one thing I want. And it does exist. I've seen it. My sister in law has one. It's a chrome baker's rack. About 3 1/2 feet tall, 3 feet wide and 1 1/2 feet deep. It is very classy and nice and I like it. And cannot find it anywhere. Pooh.

So, now I am so stuck on that, I have no idea what else I want.

Except for a new bum. Mine's cracked. (Come on, you knew that was coming.)