Friday, July 08, 2011

Wardrobe Malfunction

When we were in the States in the spring, I splurged on two good dresses.  It wasn't my fault; The Guy had gone to Lowe's and left me alone at the Dressbarn.  I figured it was Buy One Get One, so it was irresponsible not to pick up at least two.

I settled on two dresses out of the five I tried on.  First: a cute, navy blue, cowgirl dress that would go great with a pair of boots I already owned.  Second: a black and white polka dotted dress that buttoned up the front and was very form fitted.

The cowgirl dress I've worn a couple of times.  It has an underskirt of crinoline and swishy top layers.  I had not, however, worn the polka dotted dress before.  I decided to save it for a special occasion because it was so pretty.

I wore it for the first time at the church camp retreat we go to every year.  It's a bit like a week long fashion show for the pious.  Since it was black and white polka dots, I bought a pair of red and white polka dot shoes to go with it.  I was going to be the cutest.

As I was tying up my shoes, The Guy stood behind me.  He laughed out loud and warned me not to bend over in church.  In fact, he suggested that -- if I dropped something -- I should just let it go.  Apparently, I had forgotten to check for butt coverage when bending down.  I figured I could handle it -- I didn't need to bend down that often anyway.

It wasn't until we got to church that I realized I was going to have all manners of trouble with this dress.  It was super cute, but only modest when I was standing up straight.  As soon as I sat down, the skirt opened up all the way to the button and exposed a great deal of upper thigh.  It was then that The Guy mentioned he could see straight down my top as it gaped.

I spent the rest of the service clutching at my chest and legs so as to not offend the sensibilities of any of the old ladies.  I may never be able to wear it to church again unless I make some minor adjustments.

The Guy has decided it is his new favourite dress for me.


  1. Well, the women will know who to blame when they get yet another modesty and morals sermon from some old guy who should just keep his eyes to himself if it is a problem. After all it is women's fault we men cannot control ourselves when we look at you. Black bags for all.
    At least your sister is there to even out the family reputation.

  2. Dude, "a week long fashion show for the pious" is the BEST DESCRIPTION OF CAMP EVER.

    Also, there's mashed potatoes.

  3. Ohmigosh, my word verification was "horier". Even blogger is judging you.

  4. First and foremost ... PICTURES!

    Secondly, I so agree with your father. How often does that happen??? I have received a bit of a "lecture" about my own wardrobe from a well-meaning (really? not so sure!) woman about how my wardrobe may cause someone to "stumble" and set a bad example for the young women in our church. REALLY? I'm an overweight 48 year old! How bad can it really be??

    Wear your dress and wear it proud!!


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