Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Let it out: Part II

Part I here.


It is my mother's birthday. She would be turning 59 and we would be teasing her about her approaching doom of 60. She has been on my mind a lot in the last few days. And then I saw this question on the Kleenex website.

What would you say to your mom if she was here?

I would say "I miss you" and "I love you" first. I would tell her that I keep waiting for things to get easier. To miss her less and to stop feeling as though I am living in wait for her to come home. The longer it gets the more real it is that she isn't just on an extended vacation and I have to live the rest of my life without her.


I would thank her. For being my mother and teaching me the things I needed to know and for not letting me get away with the things she knew I shouldn't. For helping me become the woman I am today because for the most part I like that woman. For being my best friend and not one of those mothers who cause their kids to need extensive therapy. Well, maybe a little therapy. But not because she ever rejected me or hated me or criticized me. For that I am greatful. I am glad that somehow we avoided ever having a bad relationship. I never doubted she loved me. I am glad that our time together was full of laughter and shopping and gossiping and love even in our fighting.


I would tell her about my hopes and dreams and worries. I would tell her about work and the calls I can't seem to shake. I would tell her about my frustrations at people's ineptness. I would show her my house and tell her about my plans. I would tell her about The Guy and I would hope she would like him and would tell me what to do.


Mostly, I would ask her not to leave.

8 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you lost your mom. That would be really hard. I'm glad you guys had a good relationship though... and I'm glad you posted this. I take my mom for granted sometimes.

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  2. I got all teary, reading this.

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  3. I started crying at "birthday". And my kleenex box is empty. my heart hurts for you and, even though I never met her, her impact on so many other lives makes me feel like I should miss her too. here's a hug... :)

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  4. You're breaking my heart kid! I was thinking about her too. She was an amazing person and I miss her everyday. I have heard it said that time doesn't heal a broken heart it just teaches you how to live with one. I think that is true. I remember as a teenager at Young Peoples in NB we would all be in the dining hall (yes the old dining hall) and if I could hear her laughter from wherever I sat it made me feel safe. Like all is well in the world if she was laughing.
    Auntie Lois

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  5. Yeesh, I'm happy/sad that I stumbled across this post. You and I are the same age, and I lost my mom last spring. She only got to know her first grandchild (my son) for a few months before she died. Thanks for sharing. I could use one of my mom's bear hugs right now.

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  6. I'm giving you a BIG hug right now....
    ~K

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  7. I'm sorry that you have to miss such a great person.

    Have you ever checked this site out?
    http://motherless.papervixen.net/main.php

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Crap monkies say "what?"