Letting it out: Part I

I'm sure you've seen the commercials for Kleenex. The ones with the guy on the couch encouraging people to talk and "let it out" and bawl their faces off in public with a stranger. I love these commercials.

I love the thought of someone walking up to a stranger, sitting down with them and being able to have them open up and be vulnerable. Ky and I were talking about that today. I would want to be the guy with the couch. She would want to be the person on it. Although, likely not if I was the guy with the couch, but you know what I mean.

Ky got to wondering if the commercials were real. Is there really some guy out there toting a couch across America? There is. So, we went to the website and looked around and I found a list of questions they are taking to each city. Since I always need fodder and love a good cry, I thought I would bring some of the questions here and answer them. Here is the first one:

Why do people keep things bottled up inside?

I keep things bottled up for many reasons. For as much as I let out the things that are bothering me, there are a hundred other things I am keeping in. Or, I am letting out only a little trickle of what is there. For the most part, I keep things in for fear of what happens when I let go.

I hate not being in control. Especially of myself. I hate the thought of breaking down and having absolutely nothing left in me to get going again. I fear that I will let it out and will sink to the bottom of a pit I cannot escape from. That I will never stop crying or feeling this way or being out of control. And I cannot bear it.

Another reason is that I am too busy to deal with all my issues when they present themselves. I am busy at work or at home or with the dogs or with my family or trying to deal with a train wreck of someone else's making. And so I put the thought or feeling aside to be dealt with "later" and then I forget about it. Either that or I think "I am dealing with this so well I don't have to deal with it". Ah denial. Sweet, sweet denial.

And sometimes I am just afraid of the consequences of putting something out there. That I will be mocked or hated or abandoned or used because of what I share. And there are ways I deal with that too. Like the kid who knows she will be laughed at who makes fun of herself. Sometimes, I over share in an effort to put off any attention to the things I don't share. Because if I tell you about something you didn't want to know, maybe I can hide the other stuff a bit longer.