I'd like to punch Eve in the face

*Disclaimer: this is a post about girl parts and girl processes.  All men related to me can stop reading.  If you are a man in my life and read this and try to talk to me about it, I'm gonna punch you in the face.  I know that saying this will make my more irritating relatives feel they should discuss it (I'm looking at you Dad) but trust me... DON'T.  My sisters (PRUDES) will likely need a barf bag starting....  NOW!*
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Being a woman can suck it.

Every damn month from the beginning of our preteen years, we women are "blessed" with the physical ability to make babies.  As if being a preteen isn't hard enough: what with the gossip, backstabbing, growth spurts, and bad clothing choices.  Alas, we have to start bleeding to prove our gender.

All guys have to do is fart, punch each other, and hold a binder in front of themselves for a few years.  Babies.

Since the start of my monthly visit, I have had (but have not been limited to): bloating, cramping, pain so bad I had to stay home that day, ZITS, depression, crying jags, being confused about why I am crying, being bitchy, not understanding why you all are being SUCH JERKS, back pain, leg aches, food cravings, food binges, etc.

Let me say, when the doctor suggested birth control in my early 20s, I jumped on that like a chubby girl on a loose potato chip.

It's been a long and lovely 10 years.

I've been able to be (for the most part) a little more emotionally stable, a little more physically stable.  I've been able to skip periods if they should happen to fall on weekends I'm going horseback riding or feel the need to wear white pants.  The acne became more manageable.  The pain less often and never required me to miss a day of something I had planned.

It was glorious.

Until now.  Don't get all excited, but I am no longer on the pill.  This is not "Ooooh they're having a baby" so don't get your panties in a knot.  This is in preparation for "Oooh they're going to have a baby eventually".  My doctor and I discussed going off the pill to see how badly my hormones have been affected in the last 10 years.

They weren't.  They were just in hibernation.  It's like I woke up the day after stopping the pill and my body said WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! We're 15 again.  But without the bendiness or the ability to eat what I want at all times.

It hasn't skipped a beat in reverting back to it's old out of control ways.  I'm bloating, I'm bitchier, I'm depressed, I'm zittier than the zittiest zitter ever to zit, and I have to have regular periods.  DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS????

I miss the good old days when I wasn't ruled by the hormones of my body.  So, you know... 2nd grade.

Yes, ANOTHER Twilight post

I stumbled onto YouTube last night looking for something and was immediately distracted by the new Twilight: New Moon trailer. I clicked on it excitedly and settled in to watch a sneak of the movie I plan to get in line for next week. Yes, I'm well aware it doesn't come out until November. I'M NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES HERE.

Jess and I watched in awe until 1:26 seconds in. It was then we both gasped and screamed like little girls at a Backstreet Boys concert. Watch and see what I mean.* WOW.

The kid that plays Jacob is SPECTACULAR. So, we decided to look him up. I knew he was ridiculously young - too young for my old lady, leering, cougar eyes. But I didn't know HOW young too young was. He was born in 1992.

I will let that sink in for a second before I make it even worse.

I was 16. I was in Grade 10. I had my license and a job. A couple of girls in my grade were pregnant. I am old enough that this drool worthy kid could be my own son.

Something so wrong shouldn't feel so right.



*Yeah, yeah. Some of you won't care. To that, I say "Go somewhere else and leave me be."