Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Call her horrible names and offer to disperse inappropriate justice on my behalf.

The other night, I came home in a snit.

While I was walking Monty, a woman yelled at me (both in English and what I think is Russian) for letting Monty poop on her neighbour's front yard. Even though I had a baggy and I cleaned the poop up (I held it up so she could see) she was furious at me. So, naturally, I was furious at her. I was being a responsible dog owner! It wasn't even her yard! I left no trace of doody behind!! I yelled mean things at her in my head the entire way home.

I stormed into the house and, upon seeing The Guy, launched into a self-righteous account of the injustice that was bestowed upon myself and the innocent pooper, Montel. I told him I had been unfairly yelled at and waited for his response. Instead of giving me what I was looking for, he nodded in agreement -- as though he agreed the other woman had every right to be angry.

Suddenly, I was no longer angry at the strange neighbour lady.

The response I was looking for was "That b*tch!! Want me to poop on her lawn for you?" So, imagine my disappointment when I got no sympathy at all. I knew from the moment my anger shifted from the unknown lady to The Guy that I was being ridiculous and likely even childish, but that made no difference to me.

I stood -- mouth agape -- and stared at The Guy waiting for him to realize what I was looking for. Nothing. So, I stomped into the bedroom. From there, I stomped into the bathroom and into the shower. The entire time I showered, I muttered to myself about the lack of response I received. I stomped into the living room in my pajamas and proceeded to sit at the other end of the couch.

I believe I might have "harrumphed".

The Guy seemed to notice something was amiss as -- while I was blatantly pretending to ignore him -- I snuck peeks at him from the corner of my eye to see he was doing the same. Finally he asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm FINE." I said. Then I realized I had to at least explain why I was being pissy. "When I come in and am mad about something, I need for your utter agreement that I was wrongly done by. Only after that do I want you to be reasonable."*

Yes, even hearing it sounds stupid. I do not care. This is what I want. First, call whomever has wronged me horrible names. Offer to disperse inappropriate justice on my behalf. Then, and ONLY then, show me the other side of the argument so I can see the folly of my ways. Or, at least, the hag's point of view.

The Guy sat in silence after my sputtering directions. I imagine he spent his silence contemplating what on earth I was talking about. Knowing I had done all I could to prepare him for the next time, (and there will be a next time) I decided I could ease up a bit and sit closer to him on the couch.

Maintaining a relationship is HARD.

*This is a general summary of what I said. Part of my self-righteous snits is that I rarely remember what was actually said.


  1. It's good that you explained it to him. I generally just expect people to read my mind because they SHOULD KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME WITHOUT HAVING ME TELL THEM DAMMIT! See? Single forever.

  2. I've been married nine years next month. Mine STILL DOESN'T GET IT. It's good that you are starting him out RIGHT.

  3. NQA's comment made me laugh because I was going to say that your relationship is definitely going to work out because you actually told him what you were thinking instead of expecting him to figure it out himself.

    I suggest you teach a class for all women everywhere! Except for that crazy lady- she's just got problems.

  4. I'd poop in cyrillic on that lady's lawn. Seriously.

  5. I love that story. Totally sounds like something I would pull.

  6. Dude, I was all "That lady doesn't even KNOW poop on the lawn, and I will have NO problem showing her."

  7. Your brother21/07/2009, 16:13

    it was her NEIGBOURS lawn? Wow, four letter words would fly out of mouth, well at least after I asked her to go get her husband. Also it's not even rude, let alone illegal or something. Also I will poop on her lawn. And ring her doorbell before I do it.

  8. Your brother21/07/2009, 16:15

    Also, don't forget that finger, I believe you had one on the hand that held up the bag of poop.

  9. Off to a good start, I see. Explaining was good.


Crap monkies say "what?"