Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Mushroom cloud

I was at the grocery store on Saturday before I had to head to work. I was picking up items for my favourite hamburger casserole (a la JAG) for the church dinner the next day. I suppose it doesn't really matter what I was shopping for, but I like to set the scene.

I filled my basket with a few essential items. (What do you mean Creamsicles aren't essential?) Then I went to stand in line. I am not sure what it is with grocery stores that require the maximum amount of shoppers with the minimum amount of cashiers. Being that I was in for a long wait and my basket was really heavy, I leaned over to put it on the floor.

There was a man standing in front of me. He was in his 70s and the type of man who shopped in the grocery store near my home. I believe the word is "sketchy". I didn't pay him any notice as I got into line. This is mostly because it is bad to make direct eye contact.

Anyway, I was at the point in the story where I was putting my basket on the floor. I know, you were waiting with great anticipation. So, I leaned over to set the basket down and...

The man in front of me farted. A great, tidal wave of a fart came grumbling from the inner most depths of this man's stomach and trumpeted its way out into the store. Directly on my head.


I didn't know what to do. Other people around me heard and saw the monstrosity and stifled giggles while their eyes bugged out in horror. The man never acknowledged anything had happened out of the ordinary. I didn't know what to do. But as I leaned over, still in the middle of the fart cloud, I contemplated my next move.

Don't worry, I contemplated quickly.

I picked my basket back up and moved to another line. It was a slower line, but I figured it was safer. At least less toxic.


  1. As long as it wasn't wet and lumpy.

  2. I saw the title of your blog when I checked my netvibes, and I honestly said to myself, "I hope it's about farting".

  3. Oh my goodness, that is just nasty! I would have moved too. And then washed my hair as soon as I got home. lololol

  4. Great, thanks for making me look like a crazy person at work.

  5. I just copied this story and sent it to my mom to show her my sense of humour. I laughed out loud for minutes, I had tears and then I went back and read it again! Thank you for sharing... :)

    PS, my word verification is: suckedom

  6. OMG! I am laughing so hard but I feel so bad for you. YUCK! I think I would have abandonded my basket right then and there.

  7. Dad: I didn't ask him

    Sherendipity: That's what I thought.

    LynnieC: You know me. Of course it was about farting.

    Giggle Pixie: Ugh. I didn't think of my hair.

    Gwen: Like you needed my help!

    NC: Always glad to entertain.

    Cheryl: I really needed the food. Of course, after that, I wasn't hungry.

  8. Hahahahahahaha.
    I love it when people fart.


Crap monkies say "what?"