Friday, January 02, 2009

chirp, chirp, chirp

Alternate title: When dead Mom jokes fall flat.

There are two types of people. The kind that are sad (and likely considered appropriate) about death and the kind that remember the funeral where a kid bumped into a fake wall and pushed over an old lady who was standing on the other side. We mock it in an order not to give it more power than it deserves.

In other words, we are sick bastards about it.

In our cases, we make "Dead Mom jokes". They are only funny to those of us who've had the experience happen and who revel in making other people uncomfortable. We are known to comment, when we've done something horrible, that Mom will be "swirling her ashes".

Come on, that's gold!

So, New Years Eve comes along. One of the girls comments that a friend isn't coming because her dog has had a tumor removed. The dog isn't at home -- it's in another city sleeping off the anesthesia -- but the girl cannot leave the home because of the dog's tumor. In comes my dark humor.

That's ridiculous. I went out the New Year's Eve my mother had a tumor!

*silence and awkward glances*

Later on, they mentioned the girl would be able to keep the tumor. Again, why do I not shut up? Instead, I said: So not fair! They didn't let me keep my mom's tumor.

I think I traumatized the entire group. In other news, when I die and get to heaven, my mother is going to kick my ass. I will likely spend my first few days in Glory sitting in the time out chair.


  1. I am still laughing.

    You should be spanked and I'm sure your Mother would be only too happy. You may have to stand beside the time out chair when you get to Heaven.

    I also love when the phone salesperson asks for Mrs Hingston and you reply "She's dead".

    It is Irish humour, the way we have always dealt with sadness.

  2. I think I just asked you where you would have kept the tumour. Is that a living room thing? Kitchen thing? I'm never sure on the decor protocol on that one. I do know a guy who keeps his kidney stone on his desk set in a glass paperweight.

  3. Eww. Am I the only one who thinks keeping a tumour or kidney stone is kinda gross?

    p.s. May-B, you're awesome. :)

  4. Married to a cop for 12 years, worked in law enforcement agencies for around 25 humor is totally ingrained in me at this point.

    And I completely agree. Death and all that goes it with should NOT be given the power. Life and laughter should rule!!

  5. You are being featured on Five Star Friday!

  6. It's been SO long since I was featured on five star friday.....

    Gallows humor is what it's called. Joking while on your way to a hanging. (your own)

    I always try to crack up the surgeons before they knock me out. I figure that if they want to hear the punch line, they'll be more apt to make sure I live.

  7. When Ella was going under for Lyn's birth (all four were zipper jobs) her last understandable words were "Don't forget to tie me off" which cracked up the doctor and he never let her forget it.

  8. I didn't know five star friday existed. Now I'm all jealous.
    Why the hell would anyone want to keep a dog's tumor? I mean, wisdom teeth and kidney stones are one thing, but a gross, slimy, floppy tumor?
    Hmmm, I wonder if you could sell it on Ebay?

  9. I love how we have never met but yet share so many of the same thoughts. Ask Becca...I am all about dark humour. My dad passed away when I was 12 and I quite enjoy my chances of dad jokes and making things uncomfortable for people. I don't do it on purpose all the time but I do know exactly what we are talking about. Have a blessed new year.

  10. Lynette beat me to this but AS SOON as I read it I thought of her... you two are wayy to alike :) lol

  11. I love it! I'm quote sure we offended a fair number of folks at our Dad's memorial with our irreverent humor. We figured that he'd appreciate it anyway!


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