Tantrum

In my mind, I am laying on the floor on my stomach, fists clenched and pounding into the hardwood floor. I am kicking my feet and thrashing my head and pouting. I am crying REAL tears which, if I could only get my way, would dry up in an instant. I am whining and moaning and shouting "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!" I am 5 and, if I were my mother, I would pull me up by an arm, spank my bum once sharply, and march me to my room.

I hate everything. And everyone. I hate Uncle Jamie.

Today started off with a bang sometime yesterday afternoon. Not many people can say that, but try working shifts and suddenly a day starts 8 hours after you went to sleep and you are still in the SAME. DAMN. DAY.

I got to work last night at 7:25pm. I promptly began taking call after call after - FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS CHOCOLATE STOP CALLING. Nothing ended before something else started and, on top of that, I was trying to stop my new coworker from RUINING EVERYTHING HE TOUCHED.

At 10pm, I realized I hadn't eaten. I had breakfast (Greek ribs and spanikopita) at 3:30pm, but nothing since then. I scarfed down a yogurt. At 2:30am, I realized I was shaking again and perhaps was running on fumes. Despite my attempt to completely kill my body, I was in a fantastic mood. Being able to scare small children into behaving always makes me feel better.

Then I got home. To a bed freshly peed on. To no clean sheets. To whiny and affectionate dogs. To a computer that started crashing the moment I turned it on. To more neediness and chaos and disaster than I could cope with at 5:43am.

I spent an hour on the phone with a Dell computer tech in an unknown country. She was lovely and tried to fix everything, but now my computer kind of works except for the fact it is possessed. The cursor randomly flings itself across the screen and inserts things into places it has no business being. The Norton Ant-Virus I paid good money for is now not working and I CAN'T PLAY POGO ON I.E. any more!!!!!!

I slept for a few hours after I loaded my system with melatonin. I woke up 2 1/2 hours before my alarm went off because Madison kept LOOKING AT ME and whining. A deep sigh that only the truly martyred can give. WILL YOU LOOK AT HOW PATIENT I AM????????? she doesn't say.*

And now I am pouting. I hate my dogs and my house and my mess and my lack of motivation. I hate no air conditioner and no clean dishes. I hate growing lawns and responsibility. I hate that I volunteered for things I don't want to do any more. I hate that my house is a shit storm (sorry Uncle David) and there is no end in sight. Well, there is. The sisters move out and then I am ALL ALONE WITH ALL THIS MESS. And how can that be better?????




*I only know this sound because I make it on a regular basis. Shut it.