My Dentist Drives a Porche

Only I can make the simple act of brushing my teeth into an ordeal.

I was deciding to head to sleep and my tummy grumbled. I could have gone to the kitchen and grabbed an apple and some cheese. I could have even gone with my old stand-by cereal. Instead, I grabbed two Fudgee-Os from off my dresser. (Why do I have Fudgee-Os on my dresser? Because they are good. And I'm a chubby girl. Keep up.) I ate two before I realized I was planning on going to bed and thus would be putting my mouth guard in for the night.

Oops. Cookies in the teeth plus a night guard placed securely over said teeth = many more trips to the dentist. I decided to be responsible and brush my teeth first. I had just purchased a new tube of my favourite toothpaste and was totally pumped to use it. (Ask my sister Ky. I displayed it as though I was Vanna White.)

I opened my toothpaste and it was the wrong colour. I bought fresh cinnamon. I think the people making this stuff should know to make the boxes at least somewhat different so that a person knows she is grabbing something completely not what she wanted at all. But, I was desperate, so I used it. But after this? Hello donation table at the office. Bletch.

Well, guess what doesn't mix all that well? That's right. Fudgee-Os and cinnamon. And brushing after chocolate is just gross. And then I opened my mouth to look because I could still feel the Fudgee-Os hanging on for dear life. I mean, they were just getting comfy.

I am the worst toothbrusher in the entire world. Cookie was everywhere. Suddenly I am starting to realize why I have had no less than 25 cavities in my lifetime. (Who am I kidding? I once had 8 in a year. This number should be astronomically higher.) I brushed and brushed and brushed and brushed. I have an electric toothbrush too, so I can just imagine what this would have been like if I was brushing all by myself.

Finally, I have clean teeth. But I now taste like cinnamon instead of chocolate and those Fudgee-Os are looking really good.