Friday, November 23, 2007

It's not paranoia if they are really out to get you

Schmutzie wrote a list of things of which she is suspicious. I like the word suspicious. It rolls nicely inside my mouth. I decided to tag myself for the meme she created out of the word. And here it goes.

  1. Gratings in sidewalks. For one, no one should need to pop out of a side walk or go down into one for that matter. I don't think gratings are safe. If they were safe, the entire sidewalk would be made of them and not just one spot. If they were, I would still not walk on them.
  2. People who look at me. This runs in my family. There is nothing that will get any of us to freak out like someone looking in our general direction.
  3. Flies. Flies mean death or poop. So when flies land on me, what does that mean? Am I going to die? Do I smell of death? Or do I smell of poop? If I do, someone should have told me before the damn fly did. I'm just saying.
  4. Quiet dogs. If there is one thing that makes my hackles rise it is the sound of dogs being quiet. It can only mean one of few things: someone is eating something, peeing on something or burying something that I was going to need later that day.
  5. Compliments. Much like people looking at me, I am sure they are up to no good. But this is more my issue than the person complimenting me. I am sure they were just being nice.

I would do more, but all my energy is sapped. This cold is killing me.

1 comment:

  1. My husband will, intentionally, BOUNCE on those stupid sidewalk grates. I will walk 3 miles out of my way to avoid one if required. There is NO WAY those things are safe. NO WAY.

    I cannot use a toilet if there is a fly in the room. I'm convinced that they'll touch my naked bum and I can't handle that because FLIES = DISEASE. Do you have any idea how many people tease me for this?

    Quiet dogs. Ha! If the beagle is quiet for more than 20 seconds we know she's either peeing on something or destroying it with her teeth. Dogs are kind of like kids in that silence is never a good thing.

    I'm saying all of this while not looking at you. Don't worry.


Crap monkies say "what?"