Misbehaving tongue

I woke up this morning with my sore throat doing it's best to break my will and make me cry uncle. Today though, the inability to swollow was accompanied by a weird feeling in my mouth that my tongue wasn't fitting correctly. So, I trundled out of bed at 6:30 (an ungodly hour to be awake) and looked in the bathroom mirror. I opened my mouth to see... only tongue. My tongue is swollen to the point where I cannot see my tonsils if my life depended on it. It is the blimp tongue. The edges are all normal but the middle part is raised as thought it had yeast in it. Of course I immediately researched it on the health website. Apparently I have tongue cancer or problems with my lymph nodes. Awesome. Of course, I could just have a cold, but what's the fun of worrying over that?