I might be a redneck

I have realized I have had a crush on my second cousin for nigh on 25 years.

Now, before you get all grossed out and start picturing my children with three eyes and only seven fingers, let me explain.

When I was 4, I didn't understand that you couldn't marry relatives. In my mind, anyone I thought was cute was fair game. So, being 4, my best buddy was my second cousin - nicknamed "Iceman". We played a lot and hid from my brother and pretended to be "The Hulk" and broke furniture and stuff. Okay, it was mostly him that destroyed things, but I went along. I didn't want him to think I was uncool. But at 4, I had decided we would be wed.

When I was about 7, we moved away and I saw him about once every two years. My little crush on him never quite went away. He and I never hung out after that - or spoke even, but I watched him at family gatherings and such. He grew from an angry little boy with dark hair and eyes to an angry teen with a scowl on his face who wore black oversized sweat shirts and had chains hanging from his belt. He is now a grown man with dark hair and eyes and a personality that suggests he is likely hiding more darkness than one person should own. And I have to admit. I still think he's fantastic.

Yes, he's my second cousin. He's also married and has a kid. So, no I'm not running off to live in the Ozarks quite yet. I just realized that no one really explained to the 4 yr old in my mind that this is a problem. Thus, I have a raging crush on him still.