Pillow talk

I have a problem with pillows.  It never fails, but I cannot find one that works for me.  I buy one -- it's too thick. The next is too thin.  Goldilocks Theory states the next would be just right, but alas that only works for porridge.

Or small blondes, I'm not sure.

The pillow people say that if you are waking up with stiffness or soreness in your neck, it is likely your pillow that is the problem.  A pillow should be a certain height in order to fill in the space between your shoulder and your head.  So that your head is parallel.

I would be interested to know who goes to the trouble of bringing a level to bed.  Though it may be disturbing to young audiences.

I have tried all the pillows -- the posture correcting pillow, the memory foam, the down feather, the little clumpy bits of Styrofoam, the fake down pillow, the water pillow, the body pillow.  I've used three or two or none or a balled up sweatshirt because I forgot my pillow pillow.

I might as well have slept on a rock.

Wait, I did that once too.

None of them work.  Finally, I bought a pillow that was a little too high.  I squooshed it for a few weeks and finally it was close to right.  BLISS.

For a week.

Now, it's too skinny and I have to tuck my arm under my head, but that causes all sorts of problems because my arms fall asleep really easily and then I panic because I can't feel them.  Once, I got in trouble for trying to wake up my arms by holding them above my head because my parents thought I was just stalling going to sleep, but actually, I thought my arms would fall off because they had no circulation.  My parents direct quote was "You don't need to put your arms in the air unless you're worshiping the Lord.  Go to sleep."

Um, obviously they never listened to the New Kids on The Block Hanging Tough.  I believe they also told us to put our hands in the air and wave them like we just don't care.  So HA!

I got distracted there for a second.

My point was this: Pillows are only the right height for 30 minutes in the course of a 1 year life pan.  And you can bet the farm that those 30 minutes were enjoyed by the dog while I was at work.