Monday, April 18, 2011

Faults, I have a few

I blame most of my bad traits on my father.  This may or may not be true, but I feel someone should be to blame for things like: adoring bad puns, farting like a machine gun, and making anything sound like the truth if you lie convincingly enough.

I figure someone should be held responsible.  I know I'm not to blame, so it must be genetically inclined.

I chew my nails.  I know I got this from my father as I can count the number of times I have seen him with fingernails on my terribly chewed fingernails.

My mother had gorgeous nails without even trying.  My sisters have gorgeous nails.  My brother... well, he has my father's hands but with slightly less ravaged nails.  And then there is me and my dad.

This is not the bonding I wanted.

I have chewed my nails from the time I figured out I could put them in my mouth.  I would get in trouble from people for doing it, but then I would try and hide it behind a blanket, a book, etc.  This also goes for picking my nose, but I don't want to talk about that.

I chew on my nails out of being bored, being lonely, being nervous, being hungry, not being hungry, not being bored, being happy, being awake.  Heck, I chew them in my sleep.

It starts out with good intentions.  I plan to stop chewing my nails.  I get a manicure and put on polish.  I keep them meticulously filed.

Then I tear one on the top or the corner.  It goes downhill from there.

The worst is when I am watching movies in the dark theatre.  Or, when I'm reading a particularly intense book.  Or, when I'm driving.

You get the picture.

I'm not sure what happened this week.  I'd been quite good -- longish nails that were starting to drive me crazy being too long.  Nails are frustrating when you don't usually have them.  They get things under them.  They get in the way of typing.  They stab your finger as you write with a pen.  Suddenly, I have no nails, they are bleeding and it hurts to touch anything.

It's a vicious cycle.

Last night, I painted my nails and most of my fingertips in nail polish.  I'm back on the wagon to being able to peel a sticker off a book.  I have high hopes for these nails.  I'm sure they will be lovely.

Thank God I cannot put my toes in my mouth.


  1. I have the same problem, but with my hair. Who should we blame for these obsessive unconscious quirks? Grandpa? G-Grandpa?

  2. I have only two unchewed at the moment, down from 10 when I quit in 2007. OCD? There is a feel good chemical that the body releases in response to pain eg very hot chili. Maybe that has something to do with it? I don't know. And I am sorry that you had to inherit that from me.

  3. Ugh. I bite the living crap out of my nails, and cover up the nasty evidence with glue ins. My mother was a manicurist for a while, and she is completely crossed out by them. And the minute the glue is loose, I'm right back at it. *sigh*


Crap monkies say "what?"