Long night shifts full of crazy make for long sleeping days or no brain power. So, now I have three posts to do in one day. Oops. I decided that, rather than punish you, I would at least combine these two.
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December 19 Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Prompt by @GoddessLeoni)
The healing I experienced this year was in the form of forgiveness. I know it's not a typical healing (likely not what the prompter was referring to) but it was for me. In 2009, I had a terrible experience with a group that I trusted. I felt betrayed and I was terribly hurt. In 2010, I learned to forgive. Well, not everyone -- we're talking small steps, people. I learned that people will have opinions of me. They will lash out at me. They will discard me. And me? I will still exist. I will still be a good person despite their opinions. I will still be whole despite their accusations.
I won't trust some people again, but I have allowed myself to move on. I will not seek their approval any longer, neither will I allow their lack of approval to damage me. I will appreciate the good things from them and move on. I won't forget, but I will not hold things against them any longer.
So, I'm healed.
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December 20 Beyond avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)(Prompt by @skaw)
I didn't confront people with honesty. Instead of expressing myself, I pulled into myself. I allowed things to happen and I didn't comment. I know, it seems to contradict what I said above, however, it is not completely mutually exclusive. I learned forgiveness, not bravery.
I still struggle with standing up for myself. People are going to be shocked and think there is no way that's true, but I have a hard time being honest when it may hurt someone's feelings or make them mad at me. I do that enough accidentally, I don't want to do it on purpose.
I can be brave when it is work related -- client related. I have no problems being honest then. But put me in a situation where I am uncomfortable... and I am mute. Defend myself to a person in power? Not going to happen. Explain what is bothering me to someone important in my life? Nope. Yell at anyone who isn't my siblings and/or my father? Surely you jest.
I would like to learn how to be honest without being offensive and hurtful. I would like to speak my mind and know it is going to come out right. I would like to be honest.
Will I do it? Of course not!
Now you sound a little bit like your father.
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