Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Awkward teens, amiable toddlers, and adorable babies

Today's trip to Victoria was overrun with children.  Young, old, teeny, cute, ugly etc.  All the spectrum of children were well represented.  It made me immediately want to have a baby, play with a toddler, and give the child away before he becomes a teen.  This post will be in segments because... so is my mind.

There were swarms of teenage boys at the airport as the local high school made it's way to Cuba to play music.  I noticed something immediately -- teen band geeks are THE EXACT SAME as they were when I went to high school over *cough*15*cough* years ago.  They have the same clothes, the same hair, the same piercings.  It is creepy.

My friend's son A was on the trip to Cuba.  I had a plan (actually it was his mother's plan) to go up to him at the airport and tell him his mother changed her mind about him going alone and now I was his chaperon, but I didn't see him until I was boarding.  I tried to wave, but he missed it, so then I was this dorky older woman waving madly at a teen boy and -- WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?

The teens were just the beginning of the "This is your biological clock calling" ride to Victoria.  As I stood in line at the Calgary Airport, a parade of babies and toddlers wandered by.   They all had mothers who were my age and obviously successful careers but still could raise adorable babies.

One little toddler was just learning to walk.  His mother was so proud of him, she decided to forgo that "don't talk to strangers thing" and let him wander directly over to my purse and shove his sticky little fingers into my library book.  But, the kid was strange and had a misshapen head so I let it go.  He's going to have enough problems.

Then there was a little girl who was carting her Dora bag behind her and had the ability to say to her father "Dad, please hold my bottle."  I made a decision right there.  If a kid can WHEEL HER OWN LUGGAGE, she is too old for a bottle.  Some people's children should never be parents.

We were called to board shortly after and another little guy (a cute one this time) named Luke came up to me.  He had his Diego backpack slung around his neck by the arm strap (cute but not bright) and looked at me with accusation in his eyes.  "Are you gowing on the pwane too?"  I agreed I was and he just stared at me.

The little boy carried on as another little boy (who I discovered was NOT travelling with him) grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the desk.  They were going to run away I think, but this was a poor plan as both their mother's were on the same flight.  The first little boy's mother eventually got him, toured him down the ramp and into the plane, but it took an amazing mix of skill and patience.  It was a lot like herding a cat.  With a piece of cooked spaghetti.

When I was on the plane, there were numerous babies sitting all around me.  I know normal people are all "Oh no, babies on a flight.  They are going to CRY and RUIN MY LIFE!"  But I love babies on a plane.  (Unlike snakes and nuns.)  I always hope that I get to hold them when they cry and soothe them when their parents can't.  However, I never do and the parents are all "Stop taking my kid."

The last thing I heard as I was leaving the plane was a piece of advice I think all mother's should give to their five year olds.  "Honey, hold on to your moustache or you'll drop it."

To which I say, "Huh?"

But now, I want a baby.  But, I'm impatient and don't want to wait the 9 months, so I might just take one on the plane ride home.  They are everywhere so it seems like they are just waiting for it to happen.  Then, when The Guy picks me up from the airport, I can be like "Look, I brought you something from BC after all."


  1. Somehow I think YOU chaperoning a herd of teenage boys to Cuba would not likely meet parental approval. Nor Castro's. The streets of Havana would never be the same.

  2. I love surprise baby gifts. You should totally do it.

  3. "It was a lot like herding a cat. With a piece of cooked spaghetti." - oh em gee, this made me laugh!! that's EXACTLY what it's like sometimes...

  4. You said, "They all had mothers who were my age and obviously successful careers but still could raise adorable babies." DO NOT KID YOURSELF! In my humble (hahahaha) opinion, mothering is not only a full-time job but more like a double-time job!! If anyone makes concurrent career and kid-raising look like a breeze, they are just very good actors! Oprah (and I'm not a huge Oprah fan) said it best, "As a woman, you CAN have it all! You just can't have it all at the same time!!"

  5. prairie nymph09/02/2010, 19:17

    can't relate- i don't like babies. toddlers are much better. want to raise number 2 until it sleeps through the night?

  6. Dad: It would not be a good idea. It's best it was just a joke.

    Jamie: You would appreciate it. I'm not sure he would!

    Diva: I've seen it in action. I'm always amazed.

    D's Mom: She's not wrong.

    Prairie: HELL YES! I'm in. But only if you'll take my toddlers.


Crap monkies say "what?"