Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Giant nightgowns and baby corn

This Christmas, my MiL got me a night gown.  Now, you wouldn't think this would be an optimum gift to get your DiL on her first Christmas as a married woman.  Nightwear from a MiL?  Inappropriate!!!  But this night gown is AWESOME.

First, it has black and white stripes.  Tiny stripes, like Where's Waldo? books.  With red piping and little red buttons.  Second, it is full length.  From neck to mid-calf, this bad boy covers EVERYTHING.  Third, it is huge.  Like... my Dad could wear it*.  And finally, it came with matching red fuzzy socks.

There was nothing about this I didn't like.  It looked so comfy I wanted to crawl into it right there.  Mind you, I had about 3 hours sleep at this point having gotten off the night shift that morning, so comfort and sleep were the only things I was looking for.  But I knew this night gown was getting put on the moment I walked in the door to the house.

I looked at Wade, wiggled my eyebrows suggestively and said, "It's gonna be all romance in our house tonight!"

*Okay, that was a bad picture in my head.

I have been making marinated salads for the last two or three weeks.  It's so easy -- you put cut up veggies in a bowl, cover them in dressing, leave them for days and replenish as the salad lowers.  There are always veggies available, I will always snack on them and it is super easy.

I put in things like: cherry tomatoes, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, whole mushrooms (from a can) and baby corn (also from a can).  I liked the baby corn for awhile, but got sick of them by the second round, so found innovative ways to get rid of them.

I fed them to Monty.

The Guy rarely feeds Monty anything people food.  The Guy is disciplined.  And has no soul.  I mean.... Hi Honey!!  He often looks at me disapprovingly when I feed the dog something from the table.  But, I mean... what am I supposed to do?  Eat the crusts? YUCK.

I came home the other day to find a stain on the carpet in the living room.  It was obvious the dog had been sick, so I got the cleaners and went to town scrubbing the floor.  I thought I got it, so I didn't think of it again until the next morning.

The stain was as though I hadn't cleaned it.  So, I got the cleaning products out again and scrubbed a second time.

That evening I mentioned it to The Guy.  He acknowledged that Monty had been sick and he too had tried to clean it up but it wasn't going anywhere.  "Do you know what he was sick?" The Guy asked looking at me pointedly.  No, what?  "A baby corn.  Whole.  Un-chewed."

Oops.  No more feeding the dog.


  1. My aunt's small-ish restricted-diet-and-looking-pitiful dog (schipperke? skipperkee? something) once ate an entire bag of pumpkin seeds (which DO NOT digest, should you ever need to know ....)

    and promptly got sick from one end or the other (sometimes both! It was a FUN day!) in EVERY ROOM OF THEIR HOUSE.

    There was NO HIDING it.

    I'm pretty sure I was never invited to spend another summer again.

  2. The best solution ever is just to buy dog vomit colored carpet. I know it sounds gross, but it is a very neutral shade and it hides all sorts of sins (even baby corn sins)!

  3. Remember the carpet in your brother's room on Sunset. The vomit coloured shag? It would work for you. Monty could be sick for a year and you would never even notice.

    The question is, is there room for
    the Guy AND you in that nightgown?


Crap monkies say "what?"