The other day I was going through a box frantically looking for my wedding programs. Instead, I found other things. A copy of the Canadian Charter of Human Rights and Freedoms, for instance. A picture I drew stating "Love is Grandchildren" where I insist grandchildren only think about messing up the house and, finally, a picture worth solid gold in it's pencil crayon glory.
In 1986, I was 10. It was Grade 5 and during that year there was an assignment. That assignment was to guess the future of our lives. To make a time line starting at the beginning and make predictions about the future of our lives. Oh how I wish I had been kept at home that day.
Let us begin this trek through the life I thought I would have.
1976 - I was born! May 25th 4:00pm. I was named Bronwyn Jeanne [insert assumed name here]. My mother apparently wore pink at my birth and had her hair in pigtails. We all know how important being cute is while you're having a baby. I was born as a blue jelly bean.
1981 - I went to school at Elizabeth Public School. In Kindersley. If you look, I went to miniature school - the building is barely taller than myself. I also carry a bag with me which reads "Too Bog". Also, I am brunette in this picture. I was blond as a child. I guess this assignment was all about wishful thinking.
1986 - I saw Anne of Green Gables. Yes, that is right. In my ENTIRE TENTH YEAR, I did nothing else. I saw anne of Green Gables and that was enough. I was done. Also, please note that this assignment was done before the invention of the internet. I took a picture out of a newspaper and coloured it myself. That's how we rolled back then.
1991 - I got my first boyfriend. I'm excited. Wow. Okay, well, she (being 10 year old me) was not that far off. I did sort of have a boyfriend in 1991. Or 1992. I can't remember. But my favourite part of this picture is where we go on our "date". The Hardwear Store. That's right, folks. My father taught me well. Every time we went out it was to Revelstoke. I assumed this was common practice. Nice. Also, please note that now I am a red head. This is the only thing 10 yr old me got right. I dyed my hair a lot in the 90s.
1996 - I'm getting married. Uh huh. Since I graduated in 1994, I'm thinking that getting married in 1996 might be rushing things a bit. So, in real life, I waited 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS. YEARS. Wow.
2001 - I have two baby girls! and one boy! (My husband's a reck.) Where to start with this? We have spelling, we have triplets, we have jelly bean children. Where did I think kids came from? I mean, I guess I can blame Wonderfully Made, but still. YIKES. And finally, the names. Salena? Lance? Lisa? Was I starting my own Harlequin Romance Series? Pathetic.
2006 - I have twelve kids. Oh Boy! In 5 years, 10 year old me thought it would be feasible to have 12 children. Even with multiple sets of multiples, my uterus is tired just looking at that picture. On the plus side, I could have my own reality show. The Day My Womb Fell Out. Also, please notice how pointy my children's noses are. Did I mate with an owl?
2011 - I go on a vacation!! Tickets for two!! To Hawaii!! I'm excited!! I like exclamation marks!! A mere 15 years after I get married, I will finally get to go to Hawaii. With a space ship to cover me from the sun. And giant "Ms" to chase me. It is going to be off the chain.
I kind of want to punch 10 year old me in the face. It is all her fault I've felt I've never lived up to my potential.