As I have been planning my wedding, some things have come to light. The main one is that most things a person does for a wedding is not for themselves. It is for other people. My wants do not necessarily come into play here. Now, I'm not talking about my wants for colours and flowers and times and things. I'm talking about my wants for who is present, what people give, who is invited, what happens, etc. My wants have not always been top priority in these things.
I'm a fairly easy going bride. I don't much care what happens on the day. As long as 1) I don't fall on my face, 2) the wedding starts on time, 3) no one wears Rider jerseys, 4) the building doesn't burn down, 4) no one dies, and 5) I am actually married by the end of the whole thing, I don't care what details occur.
I keep hearing "but it's your wedding". They tell me to be selfish, to make it about me, but that does not seem to be how it works. Maybe that's how it works for other people.
I guess it could be. If I was mean about it. If I said "NO. This is what I am doing and you can bite me." But then someone will be disappointed. I don't like to disappoint people. It's not in me. I mean, unless I can scandalously disappoint people. That's entirely different. I have said "No" in some cases, but I can see the look of disdain on people's faces when I say "No, I don't want gifts, so I did not get registered." or "No, I'm wearing red shoes to the wedding". But in some places, it's not in me to say no.
People have wonderful intentions. They want to show me how much they care. How important I am to them. But some, they want to show others how important they are and how vital they are in my life because they can plan things for me and help me and do things. And they all mean well. I know they do. But the road to hell, right?
Then there are some people who would like to be included because of how important my mother was to them. People who "would be so hurt" if they weren't invited to the bridal shower. People who have been "so important" in Mom's life. People who disappeared the minute Mom died and have never called or talked to us since.
So I will have a bridal shower full of people who are getting one more chance to be near Mom by watching me go through something that, by all rights, my mother should be in attendance at. I will smile and visit and say how nice it is to see them and they will get teary because I sound just like her. I will enjoy myself for the most part, but a small part of me will be angry that these people will be there and my mother won't.