Monday, April 06, 2009

Things about walking dogs

  • You will be hyper aware of every piece of garbage -- where it is, what it is, will the dog eat it. I can spot a chicken bone, half a sandwich or a piece of pizza from a block away. I hate walking by school zones for this reason.
  • You will be able to execute a 90 or 180 degree turn with a moments notice if it means your dog will not see whatever it is that will be most interesting to him. That includes: squirrels, pigeons, other dogs, people, mailmen. Not that mailmen aren't people, but they are a different class of their own.
  • You will have a poop bag in every pocket of every coat you own. Except the one you are currently wearing to walk the dog.
  • No one else picks up their dog poop but you.
  • Spring is evil. Every bit of sand laid out over the course of the winter will attach itself to your dog's fur. Every time he goes outside. This will immediately be brought into your house and spread across the floor with one good shake. This shake will occur three seconds before you can get the towel to the dog.
  • The dog will go out of it's way to avoid a puddle, but will walk straight through every mud pile it can find.
  • You will always dress for the wrong temperature. Bring a hat? Too hot. Bring a down jacket? You will melt. Put on a hoodie? It will drop 6 degrees as you walk down the pathway.
  • Your dog will always be excited to hear the word "walk". Even if you have just returned from one in which he chased a pigeon with a broken ring, tried to run over a jogger, ate a discarded hamburger, and stepped in someone else's dog poop.
  • Buy a goldfish.


  1. Hmmm...maybe this is why your neck is sore?

    I hope you feel better soon :)

  2. Don't you have Dog Whisperer in Canada? That's what you need. Although he says, "I am the Dog Whisper." And kind of drops of the ending "er."


Crap monkies say "what?"