Here I sit

I'm sitting in a hotel room in Saskatoon. Meetings today and tomorrow are keeping me here. Of course, morning comes much earlier when meetings are involved than I would ever allow in my own home. I have to be up at 8 tomorrow. Two days in a row where I have to be awake before noon is hardly my idea of a good time.

Knowing I have to be awake in a minimal amount of hours (what? No one else needs 10 hours to get a good sleep?) makes me anxious and completely wide awake. I have been thinking and stressing about numerous things anyway which have been making sleep a little less common for me.

I'm stressing about:

• wedding details -- trying to complete the image that is in my head while allowing for others opinions. It's not just about the bride. Regardless of what people tell you.
  
• my weight -- I put on my wedding dress and it is much more snug than when I bought it a month ago. I am going to start trying it on every time I want to eat crap. And then bending down to put on my shoes. Because I almost blew the zipper when I tried that last night.
  
• my house -- the open house was slow. Two people through it only. Nice things to say except that it's too small. I know it will sell eventually. However, the sun will burn out eventually too.
  
• my dogs -- I miss my dogs. But they aren't even mine now and that makes it worse. Montel doesn't cuddle, he doesn't just sit and rest, he doesn't give kisses when I need them, etc. He's not really my dog. Monty is The Guy's dog. I miss my dog.
  
• union stuff -- I don't want to be involved any more. The work is way more intensive than I was lead to believe. The hours are constant and I will be spending more days in March and April in meetings or at conferences than I will be at home.
• my inability to stick up for myself. Especially in situations where I really need to. I only speak my mind if I am positive there will be no negative backlash. Otherwise, I'm a wimp. And I'm getting pushed around.
  

So I sit here. Alone in my hotel room and wishing I was sleepy and not just tired.