The President sent me an important message!! Oh wait, that's just spam.
Tonight at supper, I gave the waitress the "thumbs up" sign. I immediately apologized for becoming my mother. Seriously, I think this is the sign I am approaching middle age. That and I pee a little when I sneeze.
There is nothing quite as disgusting as listening to a dog lick itself furiously.
Vicki farted in her sleep and fell off the top of the couch.
I spent the better part (actually, the worst part) of three hours trying to get my new cable box to work. I called the help desk twice. The first time the kid had no idea what I was talking about. The second guy said "I think your box is hooped".
My entire financial plan for this year revolves around selling my house and getting married. If either of those things do not happen, I am screwed.
I am taking supplements to help boost my immune system. With one of them, every time I burp it tastes like Oregano. I may never have to add spices to anything again.