Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Word to the unwise

This isn't meant to offend you. Even if you are one of the people who do this. Unless you just did it to me and then take all the offense you want.

When people call my home at 10:30 in morning and expect me to be awake, I want to react in violent and inhumane ways. Especially if they know a) I have had the flu for a week, and b) I have been working nights. So to call at 10:30 in the ever-loving morning and say "Oh no, I caught you in bed." makes me want to hurt you.

Here's a hint. I am never. NEVER. never. awake before noon if I can help it. Unless I am going to work, I am never awake before noon. Repeat this until you get it.

There are many reasons for this. 1) I have no responsibilities that mean I have to be up. So why should I?, 2) I don't sleep well so it takes me way longer to get rested than other people, 3) I work nights. All night. Many nights in a row, 4) Even when I am not working nights, I don't go to bed until 2 am. This seems silly to people who aren't me. Fine. I think being awake before 10 am is ri-damn-diculous too. So, we'll just agree to disagree, shall we?

One more note. If you are planning to drop something off at my house, you don't have to "ring the door bell". I. Have. Three. Dogs. THREE. I don't need the extra warning. They've told me you're here. They've also told me that two cats, a squirrel, and 14 cars have been by. I'm good.

So, finally, I know people love me and want to be kind and talk to me and let me know they are kind and they love me. I get this. I appreciate it. Really I do. Thank you.

But, I swear to all that is chocolate that if you call me at 10 am again and expect me to be awake and you ruin the little sleep I've been able to get today before I go back for an extra shift at work tonight... I will cut off all your appendages and feed them bit by bit to my dogs. And then, I will call you at a more appropriate time for me.

How does 2 am work for you?


  1. That was completely awesome.

  2. Sooo....you're awake before noon or no?

  3. Lyn: Not for me it wasn't.

    NQA: I hate you.

  4. No 11 am brunch this Sunday then, eh?

    I think you should turn your ringer off until you get up. Let 'em dial until their fingers bleed, if that's what they wanna do.

  5. Hallelujah Sister! You also should have noted that it is not helpful to either say "Wow, you sound tired" or my personal favorite "Wow, you LOOK so tired". No really, you think. I just worked all the hours when you were asleep, changing the natural rythym of my body. Thank you for now telling me that not only do I sound like shit, I also look it! But I could just be bitter because I about to start 3 more night shifts! The police should be here any moment for me (haha inside joke).

  6. The first time I haven't started wondering "was this me" as soon as I read it. In fact, although I have been guilty of this at some point, I don't think I've actually talked to you in ages. But I do read your blog, so you are at least alive, oui?

  7. I have never before been so terrified of anyone in my life...

    But well done!

  8. As a fellow shift worker. AMEN!

  9. I have not done that to you in a long while and the last time was in an emergency of sorts.
    Does thi smean i can phone you late at night ie around midnight? That is before 8:00 am my time.

  10. Figured rightly who it was. Can I send your blog URL to her? No charge or anything for the service.

  11. Your Brother02/12/2008, 01:10

    Dude, I am calling you at nine ten eleven noon, and then midnight just to make sure I got you up once.


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