This week I was at a conference. Technically, it was two half days of a conference, but whatever. It's my week and that is what counts. I learned many things, but mainly that politicians still suck and suck up when presented the opportunity. I also learned that dumb people tend to congregate in groups and that 4 helpings of dessert may seem like a good idea at the time, but it is not. This one I keep having to learn and relearn. Sheesh.
I had been asked weeks before to do a quick talk about our office and the money which recently came to us because of a committee I had been a part of. I forgot about the presentation until three minutes before I was called up. I work better off the cuff anyways, but it was nerve wracking. Once I finished the little spiel, I spent the next few minutes shaking and sweating. This is my normal response to public speaking, so I wasn't too surprised. I wasn't called upon for anything else that afternoon, so it was all good.
For the entertainment portion of our show, the conference hired an improv group. Two middle age guys who wander about the province mocking things. I like that. I can get behind a good mocking. They had a few really funny moments and I thought it was great.
That was until they called me up as a "volunteer". I stood up and walked to the front, taking a small detour to smack the hat of the coworker who had put my name on the list. I was terrified. So, I did what I do best. I got on the stage and decided to go along with it and make people laugh.
I have to admit I was pretty happy with myself. I concentrated on the improv actor doing the scene with me and pretended I wasn't being watched by droves of people I barely knew. He used my place of work as a template for the skit and for every punch he made, I mocked him just a little bit. It's nice for my skill of immediate comebacks to come in handy. A couple of times I made the guy choke back laughter, turn his head, and snort out loud. Finally it was over and I went back to my seat.
And started shaking. And sweating. Again. I shook for about 15 minutes until I could finally feel my heart rate slow down and my breathing return to normal.
Then came karaoke. I tried to get back my coworker by asking the DJ to make him sing "I'm Every Woman" by Chaka Khan. However, it totally bombed when a Donna Summers song came up instead. A few others got up and sang horrible renditions of songs I like. I wasn't going to sing, but then I figured I'd already been humiliated in front of them all, so why not.
I chose "Black Velvet" by Alannah Myles (because yes, I am an early 90s girl, thank you for asking) and finally went up. I didn't do too badly, but had to sing falsetto for most of the chorus because her range is higher than mine. Jess took pictures and threatened to send them to The Guy. They will likely find Jess' body in that dumpster any time now.
I finished the song, walked back to my seat and started shaking and sweating. I figured three times in one day was enough. Of all the days to forget deodorant.