Today, I bought the dogs some penises. Or, is it peni? Well, I bought them dicks, at any rate. I didn't mean to do it. I never intended on feeding my dogs any genitalia at all.
But I did. I bought them penises. To eat.
In my own defense, I had no idea. I was at a feed store my Dad loves to get loud shirts at. I was buying new dog food and thought I would get the dogs a treat. I stumbled on these chews called Texas Toothpicks and thought, "Hey these are neat and pointy!"
I give them to the dogs later discover these innocent looking picks are picks of another kind. The bull variety to be specific. I don't even want to think about it, really. But, I know for sure, I am not going to be able to allow the dogs to kiss me ever again.
I keep thinking, "Dude. You've had a bull penis in your mouth." And he didn't buy dinner or anything.
Now the house smells like cow and the dogs are playing a game where they try to lick me and I run screaming. They think it's funny. I'm trying not to throw up.
In other news, the dog food I bought them smells like fish.