Sunday, October 12, 2008

I guess it depends on your fantasy

The wedding we went to last weekend was an amazing affair. However, it was the time between the wedding and reception that proved to be an extra interesting brand of exciting.

In the form of the Moosomin bar.

The door is unmarked and leads down a dark, uneven hallway where little rooms full of buckets and miscellaneous junk are hidden every few feet. We entered into the main room which looked like... every small town bar.

Fake wood panelling, metal folding tables set up in straight lines like high school cafeterias, mismatched wooden chairs, worn and thin carpeting leading to worn and thin laminate flooring. The walls covered in random metal signs collected over the years by patron and owner alike. Swinging doors led to small, mildly clean bathrooms that smelled faintly of the home perms my Grandmother used to get. The women's bathroom sign had the standard stick girl in a dress; the men's bathroom sign stated "No open flame".

The lone pool table in the corner had unidentifiable stains in each corner and two pool cues with no tips. There were 14 balls, no 8 ball, and two number 12s. Each ball was crusted and sticky causing quite a round of inappropriate jokes from grown women. The losing team was dared to lick one of the offending balls, but none of us were brave enough. We played our game with giggles, missed shots, screeches of "Ohmigosh, I touched the ball, GROSS.", and other hilarity. Winners declared, each woman marched one-by-one directly to the stick girl in a dress and washed our hands.

It was coming out of the bathroom we noticed the machine that made the night. A claw machine. It was just like the toy vending machines we had all peered into as children wishing we could just move that one teddy bear from the left corner to the right drop slot with that ever evasive, and somewhat slippery, crane.

I went over and looked in to see what goodies would be offered from the "Fantasy World" vending machine at the local bar. Teddy bears, hats, golf tees, and... porn.

That's right. The machine was filled with porn. Vibrators, DVDs, and more. Oh MY! Vibrators by themselves or strapped to the back of helpless stuffed animals who didn't know what they were in for. DVDs out for everyone to see. All for $1 a try.

Dumbfounded, we circled the machine and stared in horror and admiration at such a clever, yet highly disturbing, idea. And we decided to play. We pulled out our loonies and were just about to put our money in when the waitress came over to say it was broken.

We figured it was for the best. You never know who else handled that joystick.


  1. And here I thought I'd seen everything. :-)

  2. You were at the same wedding as this person, I think:

  3. I forgot about the perm smell! How could I have forgotten about that? Well played.


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