I am listening to the sound of several fans going throughout the house. I have turned off all other noise in an effort to just be. I find the fans soothing -- a kind of white noise for the troubled soul. I let the air move over me, across my skin, causing a shiver and a slight movement to my clothes.
I just breath in and allow myself to relax. And breath out. I encourage this technique with those I counsel: turn off everything, listen to your breathing, count in to four and out to four. Slow your heart to match that pace. S-l-o-w.
If I stop counting for even a moment, everything speeds up again. My mind races, making lists of things to do, things I want to do, things I must do, things I have not done, things I have to do without, things I will have to do to change the way things are now. Lots of things. Swirling and catching me up in their quick turns and fancy footwork. I get dizzy and lost and panicky and...
Wait. One. Two. Three. Four. Out. One. Two. Three. Four. Okay, I remember now. That breathing thing it comes in handy.