Thursday, May 15, 2008

Refrigerator Madness

Every three years, whether it needs it or not, I clean out my fridge.

I have the smallest f***ing refrigerator in the world. It is full of things like six flavours of jam and jelly - none of which I eat, ten bottles (I'm not even exaggerating) of salad dressing, two bottles of mild salsa (oops!), three containers of milk, a container of frozen chopped garlic, a huge bottle of pickles, three different types of relish that are all someone's favourite although I've yet to see anyone use them, 8 packages of McDonald's ketchup (for Vicki to find and open and spray all over the place) and all other sorts of crap.

Since I've been on the DIET FROM HELL where I have to eat every three hours, I've spent a lot of time in my fridge rooting around for things I know are supposed to be in there. This diet consists of trying to fit 1600 calories into my life in 5 easy meals a day. I have to eat 45 % protein and 30% carbs and the rest in fat. I never eat this much. I mean, unless it's a buffet, but that's just about getting my money's worth. I also never eat this much meat. So, I am constantly in the fridge - usually crying and rocking back and forth - trying to fit in all that I am supposed to eat in order to rebalance my metabolism. Who knew that 30+ years of eating nothing but cereal and toast could be bad for a person? But I digress. My point is (was? is? will be?) that it was a mess and suddenly I was confronted with it on a regular basis.

Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore. I could not root through all that crap five times a day and keep my sanity. I had to do something. I had to *gulp* clean my fridge.

I'm not sure when normal people clean their fridges. It seems like it would be a thing you save for Saturday or a day off so you have time to get it all out and wipe it down and wipe all the individual items (I didn't do that, who do you think I am? Martha Stewart?) and put them all back in an organized way (by genre). I did what any normal... freak would do. I got home at 10pm and decided - it had. to. be. now.

I found jam from 5 years ago. Relish with mould. Frozen carrots. Soggy celery. Terriyaki sauce that had opened and spilled and subsequently dried in gobs. More packages of McD's mayo than could ever be healthy. And, now it's clean. It's organized.

I've been opening the door just to look inside now. And I just realized, I forgot to turn it back on. I hope that milk is still good.


  1. Oh, man. I don't even want to think about the things that live in the back corners of my fridge.

    What kind of loony diet are you on, anyhow? Aside from it being FROM HELL, of course.

  2. kate: I;m so glad its not just me who has alternate life forms growing in their fridge.

    I'm on the Curves Six Week Solution. It's about resetting your metabolism for what is right for your body. I'm supposed to be eating high protien as previously, I've only eaten carbs. But I like carbs. They are my friend.

  3. Your fridge can fit three whole containers of milk?

  4. Three containers yes. Barely. One 1 L of 2% and two 2L of skim. Then I tried to combine the skim milk and spilled it all over the floor.

  5. Some of that stuff sounds like it was mine. Throw it out already. As to the salad dressings - make salads. The dressings will count towards your fat content for the day. Veggies are good for you. Ask the Fonz.

  6. Wait, you turn your fridge off to clean it? How do you see to clean if the light's off?

  7. Dad: I threw out all your jams. So HA!

    Seven: I just turn off the cooling knob thing. Not the whole fridge. So the light is still on. No worries. But, this way, I'm not wasting as much energy.


Crap monkies say "what?"