The Kid Question

There comes a time in every woman's life where you end up thinking about whether or not to have children. For some it is a given - yes or no - it does not need to be discussed. For others, it is a teeter totter of emotions. Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, ARGH.

When I was in my early teens, I did not want to be a parent at all. By the time I was 14 or so, I felt I had already helped raise three children (although my siblings will disagree) and I was not doing that again, Thank You Very Much. In my late teens, the culturally acceptable idea of getting married and having kids swayed my view to the exact polar opinion. I picked out all the names and genders for 6 little rug rats of my own. I shouted to the "nuclear family", Sign me up!

In my twenties through to now, I have not wavered. It is my dream to have children. To hold my belly and watch it change and grow with a life forming inside me (and not just the effects of coke, chips and chocolate). To hold my new baby, count her toes and fingers, brush his hair from his face and give baby raspberries on the tummy. I want that.

And now that I am in my thirties, my biological clock is ticking loudly. Not enough to run out and get fertilized by any means necessary, but enough to have a yearning and a hope. And enough to warrant a discussion with the guy of every relationship heading down a serious path. (Now don't go getting all freaked on me. I am no where near anything uber serious requiring a dress or rings or anything. It's just talk. Because at my age, you need to know what you're getting into. No point wasting time or getting hurt if you aren't on the same page.)

Now the questions are: Do you want kids? How many? Why only one or two? Why not four? What will you want to do if we can't have kids? Adoption? Fostering? etc. etc. etc. It seems silly trying to sort out these questions and problems that may come up in the future. it is interesting to me to see how the differences in the way each person was raised greatly sways the things they want from life. And especially how to balance those two ways into the prospect of one family.

I know now how serious I am about wanting children. When the thought of not being able to have children was broached, I was very near tears. These are imaginary children and I was near tears at the thought of not having them! So, whether by my own body or not, I am having children. Thus has been decreed. But, I'm not ready yet nor do I want to wait much longer, so we will have to see how things go.

For now? I will stick with the dogs.