** disclaimer: I am using the blog as therapy. This is how I feel at the moment. It is likely to change at any time. This is going to be a long post. Feel free to skip it. I would. **
Queen Mary mentioned it and I have to admit I have been thinking about little else these days. I am a swirly mess of conflicting thought and I haven't been sure how to put this down on "paper" or even if it is my right. But, when has that stopped me before? Never. That's when.
My Dad is getting remarried on Saturday. The 23rd. As in, 3 days. And I have to go.
Now, don't get me wrong. I adore Tanya. I have actually grown quite fond of her in the last little while. There are things I don't get about her and things that are very different (may be cultural, may be personality) but I absolutely adore her and am happy she is marrying my father. Mostly because then someone else will be in charge of him, but that is beside the fact.
I am finding that I am acting like the ex-wife. I am looking at things Tanya is doing and going "Oh, I wouldn't do that." Tanya has organized their house and it's different. She has banned him from wearing red in her presence and it's weird. She likes him to wear his hair pouffy and it's ugly. And I am also having a problem letting go of the control of him. I mean, for two years, he was entirely... useless isn't the right word, but it's close. And now, I have to trust someone else to not screw up his life. It doesn't sit well with me.
The rest of the story is that he asked Lyn, Ky and I to sing at the wedding. The "wedding". It will consist of us 4 kids, the minister (Queen's Dad) and his wife (Queen's Mom) and Dad's great-aunt (the Queen's grandma), Dad's two friends who will stand up for them and the couple themselves. 11 people. And we are supposed to sing. Or "seranade" actually. Something romantic. Vomitous. It will be awkward and weird, but Dad will love it. He loves that stuff. So we will do it. Because that is what we do.
I just keep thinking it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Like get married, sure, but do it on the QT. A ceremony, but not. No singing and music. But then, that's not fair. It's a real marriage and he really loves Tanya. And the idea of being married again and belonging to someone and having someone to spend every waking second with. And all that. It's weird. My Dad is getting married. It's creepy, really.
And, as much as I adore Tanya, I miss Mom. I miss my mom.