Thursday, July 27, 2006

What is wrong with me

I was lamenting my woes to a friend, discussing the fact that all guys seem to suck great green monkey butt. My friend decided he would help by letting me know exactly what is holding me back in these situations. Here is some of the conversation.

"I think men are intimidated by a woman who can kick their ass."

Okay. This I can understand. I am a tough person and extremely independant and forward. I think something, I say it. I feel something, I show it. I want something, I do it. This does narrow my playing field somewhat as I need a guy who has balls. I mean, is strong enough in who he is, to be okay with me.

"You can be aggresive, but not forthcoming."
"Don't let him know what he is in for; surprise him."

"You are more open than most other women. Guys can figure it out."
"I think you let too much out; you are too up front. Play a little more mysterious."

Mysterious? WTF? Okay, I am a very open person in most ways. I recognize the fact I should scale back the amount of "me" I let burst forth without thinking. However, I don't get it. I just don't get it. How does one become a mystery? What is the point? Doesn't that constitute playing games? Being someone I am not?

It would seem to me that this defeats the purpose of my personality. However, I do see the good in this advice. I am forward and honest and blunt. This makes me easy to talk to in some cases, but in others, it makes guys terrified of me. I always thought that being open was a good thing. Apparently, it is what is holding me back.

I am a woman. In a world of little and insignificant girls. I need a man. Of which, there seems to be a serious lack.


I did learn one thing that I have deemed to be important and will try to encorporate in my life (whether or not I am dealing with a male or a female) - to focus my attention. When I am talking to someone, I need to give my utmost attention. I need to make people feel more important to me when I am talking to them. I can do that. Whether or not it's true. If I have learned one thing, it is that sincerity can be faked.


  1. You are a woman in a world of little and insignificant girls?

    Um. You don't like things that are "ookie" and your favourite colour is pink.

  2. Gaaaaaaaaaaaar! Whoever that guy is needs to be kicked in the head. I utterly disagree with him, not only from a female point of view, but also from the point of view of the males I know. (Okay, so the males I know really well are bizarrely feminist, and most of them are married now, or shall be presently.) Any man who needs you to play games and to pretend to be a "mysterious" shrinking violet so that he doesn't get scared off? Not worth it.

    Okay, so I laughed about his first comment. But I think there's a difference between being strong and being openly hostile: ie. the ability to kick the guy's butt and the very likely possibility.

  3. I think "mysterious" is code for giving a little bit at a time, rather than everything all at once. It's like when people find out I'm a superhero. They already know everything else about me, so that additional fact doesn't overwhelm them.

    I know that made no sense, but I wanted to take the opportunity to claim I was a superhero.

  4. You know, May-B is Wonder Woman. (I know, I know. I'm giving all your secrets away, thus detracting from your chance to be "mysterious.")

  5. Yeah, Maryanne, SHEESH. Some people don't know about my secret identity. (Now I just started singing the theme song from that show in the 80s with JErry O'Connell)

    Ky, shut up. Women can like pink. And ookie things are gorss.

    Roger, I think you're right. (Ack, has that ever happened to you before?) I think it is more to do with not showing my cards all at once. That is why I am not mysterious.

    I have decided to wear all black and smoke a long cigarette and not speak a lot but just look at people and raise one eyebrow. I'll give him mysterious.

  6. I have to agree with Maryanne. First, speaking from a guy's perspective, I appreciate women who don't play games, who speak honestly and are up-front about who they are. Also, as a guy who knows you fairly well, I have never been terrified by you. When we first met, I appreciated your sense of humour, and your attitude towards life.

    Maybe those tactics would work on some guys, but would they really be the sort of guy you'd want to end up with? I think you were right the first time: you need to find a guy who is comfortable with himself, and appreciates you for who you are. Easier said than done, perhaps, but that is no reason to compromise who you are and settle for anything less than you deserve.

    Oh, and I don't think you could go for a long while without talking. :P


Crap monkies say "what?"