I may kill something yet

I have been at a meeting most of the day. It was a good meeting, productive and all. I had left the dogs home and was hoping I would not be returning to excrement on the floor or shredded underwear. I didn't. However, I think dogs process time differently as they act like I've been gone for 6 months instead of a few hours. They are all following me every where I go. They cry if I leave the room (like to go pee) and they fight for attention.
Montel keeps scratching at my arm like he wants something. He also tore the arms off a new toy I got them about an hour ago. A nice use of $5. Maddy is trying to get into the garbage and I am going to beat her with something heavy. She also has been wanting to play ball every second and barking at me. Davy is crying constantly while trying to hump any of the dogs as they pass by. Vicki is the least irritating today and she bit me full on the chin in her excitement to play ball.
And as I am on my hands and knees trying to get the ball out from under the file cabinet, I think to myself "Davy, if you try to hump me while I am down here, I will make you into the tiniest fur coat ever."