Sunday, April 16, 2006

Easter weekend update (Part 2 - Grandma is crazy)

So now, for crazy grandma stories.
#1: Grandma's dog.
Grandma has Ky's dog, Davy. Grandma adopted Davy as her own shortly after Ky moved in next door and when Ky moved out, Davy stayed. Grandma LOVES this dog. We are all convinced that neither of them will be able to live 30 seconds without the other one. Grandma talks to him all the time (mostly when she thinks no one is listening) and Davy gets all excited when you tell him to "Go find Grandma". Grandma is INSANELY jealous about Davy's affections. She's okay when its Ky, b/c technically he's still hers. But when its me? Grandma has a jealous streak. He likes to come sleep in my room when I stay at Grandma's. Grandma HATES it. So she shuts him in her room so he can't get to me. He always does. So one night at 3am, I hear a commotion outside my door. I open it to find Grandma struggling to pick up Davy. He has made a beeline for my door again. Well, Davy is a medium sized dog who looks like he ate a large sofa. He's a tad overweight (about 12lbs over - making him 31 lbs). And Grandma... weighs 90lbs soaking wet. She heaves him into her arms and teeters down the hall like a drunk on a 4 day binge. Then she goes into her room and slams the door. And all I can think of is "How my mother and her gargantuan children came from such a teeny-tiny woman, I will neveer know." And then, I went back to sleep. Davy came to my room and climbed under my bed about 4 hours later. He always does.
#2 Grandma's advice Grandma is always telling us girls how to catch a man. From the time I was 12, she's been giving me tips and advice (Any comments on how well that has worked will earn a PUNCH IN THE HEAD). I have never avoided the comments, but always have a come-back that makes Grandma think twice about giving these comments again... until next time. (It did however stop for awhile when I told her I was thinking about becoming a lesbian just to make her stop telling me these things.) Apparently, if I could just learn how to cook, clean and "walk like a girl, for goodness sake", my life's problems would end. Anyways. If you think Grandma's advice is limited to me and my sisters? Think again. She tells everyone.
So, when Janny and Lyn and I were standing outside my Grandma's place and I invited Janny up for a bit, I wasn't surprised to hear her say "I don't want to go up. Your grandma will just tell me how to get married." But, I convinced her she was wrong. Certainly with all the company Grandma has, her attention could be driven from her quest to see us all happily married. So, we convince Janny to come upstairs. My grandma's face lit up when Janny walked in the room. Immediately she said "I've been meaning to tell you something." (Wait for it...) "I'm so glad you've moved to Calgary. Its a great place to meet a husband." I don't think Janny will ever forgive us for that.

6 comments:

  1. THAT was CLASSIC gramma!!! I LOVE it...you should write a book

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  2. Your gramma's hilariously crazy. I laughed until I cried about "walk like a girl, for goodness sake."

    Poor Janny. Why do the old people all have it out for you and Janny?

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  3. Walk like a girl - ha! What does that mean, exactly? Like you can't walk and balance your head on a book (ok, I realize it should be the other way around, but that's way better than anything I could intentionally think up, so I'm keeping it).

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  4. Another classic conversation of the weekend from a great uncle:
    G.U.: Still single?
    J: Yes
    G.U.: When are you going to stop that?

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  5. Ha! I wonder which Great Uncle. Because obviously it's one of Mom's uncles. But there are so many who would have said something like that.

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Crap monkies say "what?"