Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Where have I been?

I have a few hours before work and should be taking advantage of the short blast of sunshine struggling to remember what to do when it can see Saskatchewan, but I'm not.  I'm here, in front of my computer, with a need to write.  For the first time in weeks, I want to write something.  Anything.

It's been a long couple of weeks.

I have not wanted to write lately.  I have not wanted to do much of anything.  I desperately want to sleep, but cannot.  I want to knit, but my project has taken a turn for the worse and I can't talk about it yet.  I have been reading because the new True Blood book was at the library and I can't help myself.  Mostly, I lay in bed wishing I could do something, anything, and instead do nothing.

Things with The Guy are still wonderful.  No worries there -- for all the people who had a slight panic attack of EVERYTHING in my life is going poorly.  We're spending as much time as we can together given the fact that our schedules hate us.  A few stolen hours here and there and we feel a bit like we're in a clandestine relationship.  But, the scheduling is changing a bit soon and I look forward to seeing how that will work with us. 

I am not sure what has been blocking me so much lately, but I think it can be attributed to numerous things.  First, work -- the place that for a long time was my sanctuary -- has been more a place of stress and hurt and frustration.  The last 9 months of work have been terrible and if something doesn't change, I can see it all imploding.  The job has not changed at all, I still love it for the most part when I don't hate it, but the people and the tension has changed.  It causes me stress when I am there, wistfulness when I am not, and I wish I was in a position to help get it back to where it had been.  I miss my home.

Then, the weather has been effing with us all.  March was sunny.  After the horribly depressing February we had, March was lovely.  It made us think the world would be a better place and everything would be alright.  Things would grow, things would heal and I could take a book out onto the deck and warm my toes in the sun.  Then April hit.  April hated us.  It said, Hey jerks.  You don't deserve sunlight.  But then, it was all Just kidding!! and we had a week of sun and light and joy.  And then May came.  And May was like I don't really like the sun, it kind of gives me a headache.  So, we had rain.  And wind.  And semis were blowing off the highway, barns were flying around yards and killing people and my sandal blew across the yard and got stuck in the mud.

I am tired of this already.  Get your shi*t together, Saskatchewan.  Make nice with Mother Nature and lets get on with it, okay?

So I haven't written.  I haven't had anything to say.  But, at least my Twitter has been funny. 

My birthday was yesterday and I went to work.  It was terrible and busy and the whole city fell apart, but at least I got 97 notifications on Facebook that people wished me happy birthday. 

So there is that.


  1. Crap! {monkies} I missed your birthday. Happy birthday.

    & Saskatchewan needs a good kick in the ass! I'm done with this weather. Bring on the stunshine!

  2. Sorry things have been shitty! Been there, sometimes for way way too long. Keep hanging on! The sun will come out ... cause if it doesn't I'm SCREAM!

  3. Happy Birthday, Baby. Is the job thing something that will change in time?

    I understand your frustration.

  4. Sucks. But we all love you for sure. Maybe you should look for another job? Here perhaps? And I'm only half joking there. We would have so much fun! And Wade. Of course. The three of us would have so much fun!

    I also love how the two horrible things that happened during the wind storm were that people died AND your sandle got stuck in the mud. Awesome.

  5. Yes, well, the new True Blood book ate my brain for a few evenings as well. Go figure. I can't fight it...


Crap monkies say "what?"