Thursday, November 12, 2009

Why dog groomers deserve their wages

When we got to Grandma's place we noticed that her dog, Vicki, needed a haircut.

Furry Vicki.

Since I couldn't get the dog into a groomer until January, I decided to cut her myself. Armed with a pair of scissors, a comb, trimmers, numerous guides of all heights, a brush, and a sense of optimism, I sat down with Vicki.  Grandma tried to help hold Vicki in place, but eventually I had to encourage her to go do dishes because she seemed to be choking Vicki unintentionally.  Think Of Mice of Men but with an old lady and a fuzzy dog.

Vicki, so far looking pleased.

I started by bathing Vicki and blowing her dry with my hair dryer.  I had tried to brush her out, but she was covered in matted hair.  Top to bottom.  I think there was a spot on her ear that didn't have a mat, but it was covered by a mat.  I brushed her out as best I could.  The top of her head wasn't matted, so I decided to start there.  I got the clippers ready to go and turned them on.  Suddenly, Vicki shrieked and squirmed and fought.  Turned the clippers off, Vicki calm.  On -- freak out.  Off -- calm.  Crap.

Vicki partly trimmed.

I took the scissors and the comb and started hacking.   Grandma stood above me and fretted that I would stab Vicki in the eyes accidentally with the pointy end of the scissors.  I tried to remind her I've been using these kinds of scissors since I passed Kindergarten, but it fell on deaf ears.  Literally.  WEAR YOUR HEARING AID, GRANDMA.

I had to push the tip of the scissors through the matted hair and saw away until it cut.  Vicki wasn't overly thrilled with my technique.  She fussed, but I prevailed.  We took enough hair off the dog to create another dog.  And she was still matted!

Not quite done yet. But look at the hair!

I cut and cut. I accidentally snipped skin a couple of times. I cut and cut more, but Vicki was still matted and still hairy.  However, all I had managed to do was make her look as though she had once been covered in hundreds of pieces of bubble gum.  Lyn couldn't keep a straight face and even Grandma exclaimed "That is a sorry looking dog".  I tried to fix what I had done, but I only made it worse.  I even accidentally gave Vicki a Hitler moustache.  And you know who doesn't look good in Hitler moustaches?  Anyone.  But also Vicki.

Vicki and her sad little haircut.

She turned out being cleaner and shorter, but definitely not cuter.  Next time, she's going to a groomer.


  1. I keep coming back to look at the pictures of Vicki. I love her so much.

  2. It will all grow back. Just make sure Grandma gets Vicki's haircut every three months. Poor Vicki.

  3. I tried to give Blind Shana a haircut once with just scissors, and I think she's never forgiven me.

    Now I just cough up the 40.00 and let the groomer do it.

    "That is one sorry looking dog"


  4. My poor, poor girl. It's all my fault though for not getting her in to the groomers before I sent her to grandma.

  5. That was a hilarious post. I laughed, I coughed, I cried. Well, i didn't cry. But I laughed and coughed quite a bit.

  6. I think I know which place you couldn't get her into. You know where I can always get in, and not with much of a wait? Expressway Kennels. I don't think people realize they do grooming there. They're very good and a bit less expensive than other places because they're just outside the city. Try them out and save you and your dog's sanity!


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