Friday, November 27, 2009

Feet are disgusting and other things I've learned

In Pilates class the other day, the instructor told us we were going to focus on our feet.  For some people, this would be a normal thing -- no cause for alarm.  For me?  I might have considered sneaking out the door when she wasn't look.  Even if only for a bit.  I have a... thing.  An "issue" as it were.

I hate feet.

Doesn't matter whose feet they are.  I think they are gross.  They are weird and funny looking.  They smell bad and are strangely proportioned.  They have rough patches and smooth patches and hair on their toes.  I will deal with my own feet because I have to -- they are attached -- but otherwise, I do not want your feet anywhere near me.  Every time I go for a pedicure, I feel a mix of shame, pity and disgust.  Despite being told I have lovely feet (which is like being told your hairy mole is stunning) I just cannot break the thought of... Ugh. Feet.

So the instructor told us to walk around the room.  Slowly, methodically, paying attention to the positioning of your feet as they hit the floor.  Heel first, through the outside of the foot, to the little toe and down the line to the big toe.  As I lumbered around the room, I noticed that most of my foot doesn't even touch the ground.  (My arches are so high they could be considered part of my knee joint)  Also, my ankles crack at every step.


Then we have to walk backwards. Starting to step down on our big toe, through the pad all the way down to the little toe, along the outside edge and to the heel.  I fell down.  Not all the way to the floor, but repeatedly I had to stop and gather my balance to proceed.  Or would that be retreat?

We sat on the floor and took a good look at our feet.  *shudder*  The instructor told us something that stunned me.  If you take your left foot and your right hand, you should be able to thread your fingers through your toes comfortably.  Like interlocking fingers together, you can interlock toes and fingers.  And should be able to do so comfortably.

Now, some people I've told this magical news to have been like "Uh, yeah Bron, everyone can do it" but that is not the case.  I cannot do it.  I mean, I can do it eventually, but it takes concentration, stretching of toes to the point of breaking and excruciating pain.  Apparently, I wear bad shoes that cramp my toes and I need to exercise them more.

I don't even exercise body parts I like.  I am NOT exercising my toes.

Finally, she had us look at our feet and wiggle each toe individually.  Wait. Toes move INDIVIDUALLY?  Why has no one told me this before???  I sat and stared at my feet.  Big toe wiggle?  Check.  Baby toe wiggle? Kind of.  Three middle toes?

Well, lets just say they work best as partners.


  1. Your Pile-Latte instructor has a foot fetish. Better known as a feetish. I have a foot fetish too but only for Diana Krall

  2. I call shenanigans on individual toe wiggling.

    And just so you know, my keyboard is now all "toey" because I clasped hands with my left foot.

    Your fault.

  3. I hate feet, too. Mine are okay, but everyone else's are terrible.

    I tried holding hands with my foot like you described, and it was so tight that it hurt between my toes. Thanks.

  4. Bah. I cannot separate my toes with my fingers, and I do NOT wear crampy bad-for-you shoes. I call shenanigans.

  5. prairie nymph29/11/2009, 15:41

    umm, i think feet are beautiful! most feet. especially feet with high arches. (Story Girl?)
    but i find almost every part of the body fascinating. like the kidney. or the liver. and eyes especially.
    i think i need to stop or i'll be disowned.


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