Sunday, April 19, 2009

Holding it together

My mind has so much going on, it is shutting down for the simplest thing. I am constantly thinking of everything and am being derailed on a regular basis. Oh look! Something shiny! My mind is a buzzing mess of things to do and the result has been a body that is resistant to it all. My arms are heavy, my sight grew dim... no, that's lyrics to some song. Oh look! That dog has a puffy tail!

In my head, I cannot prepare for anything until the house is sold. And so, I am in stalemate. A constant anxiety of when and where and why and how this will all happen in five months. FIVE MONTHS.

Again, my brain just stalled. I have things to do, things to organize, things to throw out (although, I wrote "up"), things to pull out, things to call others about... things to do. But that damn house is in my way. I can't organize or move or pack because the house needs to be clean. I had a mini rebellion this weekend and refused to tidy before I left the house. I think The Guy's brain imploded and melted out his ears, but I couldn't face it.

I can't find anything because I've hidden it so the house looks clean. I can't do anything that relaxes me (sewing, painting, crafting) because the house needs to be clean. I can't pack and sort and organize - things I passionately love to do - because the house needs to be relatively clean. I can't fill the basement with table cloths, centre pieces, candies, etc. because the house needs to be clean.

Now I have to do something. Anything. But, wait! Did you see that feather?


  1. Understand the inability to focus. With me it is like the ball in a pin-ball game.


Crap monkies say "what?"