Thursday, April 02, 2009

Go ahead, eat that cake.

The year I turned 11, my best friend lived next door. She was a year older than I (because I was so mature, you know) and this caused us all manner of grief. Her friends thought I was a baby, my friends thought she was a snob. But what did they know? I had a collection of Barbies with a full handmade wardrobe and she had a house that smelled like curry and an endless collection of Bollywood movies. We were happy with our arrangement.

Her birthday party that fall was going to be a lavish affair. She was anxious to where her party dress -- a white dress with frills and a big red bow. I was anxious to publicly announce our friendship and to eat cake.

I was devastated when she told me I would not be invited to the party. Her parent's would not allow her to invite just one child out of a different grade. She was allowed to invite all the students in her own class, but if she invited one of another grade, they felt they needed to invite all that grade.

As an adult, I understand. In fact, I condone it and implement the same type of rule. I hate when kids are left out. It is mean and cruel and parents should know better than to allow it. So, I get it. But at the time? I was heartbroken.

And then, I was mad.

The day of the party, I was determined. I wasn't going outside, I wasn't going to watch her and all her friends have fun and eat cake. I wasn't going to do it. I was going to be strong and protest my hurt feelings. However, despite my determination, somehow, I found myself perched high in the tall tree in my yard peering over into her yard like a stalker.

And somehow, I had my parent's water hose with the spray gun in my hand. As she leaned in toward her perfect cake, in her perfect white dress with red ribbon, with her perfect friends all crowded around her, I pressed down the trigger on the spray gun. And soaked the entire party.

I was cruel about it. I aimed the gun directly at her white dress with the red ribbon and soaked her. Then, I moved to the cake and on to the friends scattering across the lawn. I kept spraying as children screamed and adults started to search for the culprit. I only stopped when my friend looked up and caught my eye from my perch in the tree.


I am participating in NaBloPoMo for April.

18 comments:

  1. I love the image of you up in that tree. You poor kid, though! Inviting all BUT one kid from a grade is definitely cruel. Only inviting one doesn't seem that off to me (and I used to be a teacher so I do get the current kid-climate).

    I found you via NaBloPoMo and I will be staying around. You're hilarious. (Am also following you on twitter now.)

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  2. I need to know the fall-out. NEED.

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  3. Yeah. What the hell happened after that?

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  4. I totally remember that dress. Do we have a picture of it, or something?

    Also, I think it's crap that you didn't get invited. I got invited to Kent's birthday (SWOON!) and he was a year older than me.

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  5. Ya, I don't get the whole "have to invite the entire grade if you invite one" rule. Sounds weird to me.
    Also, how grounded were you? Omg, that's so awesome.

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  6. We do have a picture of the dress. And about the fallout? I have NO memory of it. Nothing. I assume I got a spanking and grounded, but I don't remember it at all.

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  7. Also, I forgot. Hi Heather! Thanks for coming by. I hope you come back!!

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  8. I honestly did not believe this was a true story until your sisters started reminiscing with you... my childhood does not seem nearly that cool.

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  9. As with your brother, there are some things worth being punished for. I do not recall the incident but should have had difficulty punishing you for something so wonderful.

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  10. Wow, you have totally just become my hero.

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  11. How incredibly ballsy. I would never had had the guts to do something like that. I know I shouldn't be laughing, but I can't stop.

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  12. I killed a guy when I was 11.

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  13. NC: Nope, it's real. Don't cross me.

    Dad: I don't remember the punishment. But, I spent most of my childhood grounded, so it was likely that.

    ImnotBenny: Ha! You're evil if that's why I'm your hero.

    Savia: I would NEVER do something like this now. But I was a BAD kid.

    Roger: I don't doubt. I wouldn't cross you.

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  14. That is awesome. Thank you for sharing the best childhood story I have read in ages. I wish adults could get away with stunts like this.

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  15. This is probably my favorite story of yours. There are so many people I would have liked to spray in my youth. Man, you had guts! I love it!

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  16. Your brother04/04/2009, 22:27

    The best part of this story is that it's true. Oh my god I still die laughing when I think of it.

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  17. Then what happened? Always leave 'em wanting more? Do you get a whooping? Did your friend ever speak to you again? And her parents! My God, if it were me and my daughters birthday!!lol!! You should have been invited, that was petty of her parent (I have to assume it was Mom, and I have to assume she did not like you very much, lol)

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  18. That was hilarious! I've always wanted to do something like that but was always too chicken.

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Crap monkies say "what?"