Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Dreams and random bits of crap

I figure if I'm awake, I should let someone know about it. Here it is 7am and I am so ready for bed.

I've been having really weird (read: "awkward") dreams the last couple of weeks. A lot of them since I got engaged have been about me making out with inappropriately underage boys. Not like 12, you perverts. Early 20s. Anyway, I figure that's a sign I should be getting it out of the way before I get married. However, The Guy would argue he has dreams about [insert name of busty, dumb actress here] so shouldn't it be tit for tat? And then I would say "No, and that was a really bad pun." But we haven't had that conversation yet. I imagine we will now though.

The most amusing one of my inappropriate dreams was a couple of nights ago. I was super old (read:"32") and living in a coed dorm where all the early 20 something girls and guy bunked in one large bed. One particularly cute guy kept trying to hold my hand and all I could think about was trying to find a place where I could poop in private. Seriously. I spent the entire dream avoiding the entire main plot so I could poop. Who does that? Worse than that, I woke up and totally did not have to poop, so it wasn't even like my subconscious was trying to wake me up or anything. I'm just a freak.

I read an entire book last night. I've read it about 4 times before, but not in a few years so it was almost like new. One of my coworkers tells me that since she hit her 40s she can read a book once a week and it's like new. I'm not there yet, but I can see it happening. Also, the first time I read a book I am just trying to get to the next page to see what happens. I could give a flying rat's patoot about sentences or character growth or subtlety. Kind of like in real life.

In the shelter where I work on occasion, there is an entire side of the desk lined with lotions. Each time I am here, I put on a new lotion. My hands are always dry and I have no actual hand lotion at home. I know, why not? Because I am lazy and I lotion up at work. Which sounds horrible. But my point! Yes, my point. Is this. Every lotion I put on smells worse than the one before. First I smelled like the inside of a goat's udder. Not pleasant. Then I smelled like the most vile sort of pineapple. Mixed with goat's udder. (I was trying to mask the smell... it did not work.) And last night I smelled like homeless grandma. Like liniment that old people use and homelessness mixed in for good benefit. Now I will have to shower before I go to bed because I do not want to think about what my brain will concoct in a dream with this smell.


  1. Aren't yuou worried that by mixing all those lotions (potions) your skin will turn green AND you'll smell funny?

  2. I would call that a really sh**ty dream. Hope that, now you've got all that "stuff" out of your system, you will have beautiful dreams -- of The Guy, and your life together, and whatever.

    I have wonderful dreams too -- about beautiful, young 32 year olds, and having some amazing -- conversations with them. (What else would an ol' bear do -- especially when you father is lurking around, and is much bigger than I?)

  3. What a funny thing-- to only be worried about where to poop in private. Sounds like something I would worry about instead of chillin' with the cute guy.

  4. Dad: That is a distinct possibility. And, likely, not the worst day I've ever had.

    Rob-Bear: Now I know why you and my father get along. The phrase "dirty old man" comes to mind.

    Seven: I know right? It was ALL I could concentrate on.

  5. What on earth are you talking about May-B? I shower regularly, and I'm only in my 60s -- I'm neither dirty nor old!

    I can't BELEIVE this is one of your children, Blog Fodder. (On second through, . . . oh, never mind.)


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