Thursday, December 07, 2006

Learning to un-enable

I hate catch phrases and "it" words. It makes me cringe when people tell you with assurance that they are "co-dependant" or some such hoo-haw. I am sure there are people out there who are really experiencing dependancy issues, but not everyone and their dog should be going to support groups. However...

It comes my attention that I am perhaps an enabler. That perhaps, I do things for people in such a constant manner that it is a problem. I do things for people. In an effort to help, yes, but it becomes so overwhelming for them and for myself that they lose the ability to function on their own and I lose the ability to not do things for them.

Last night, the girls hosted a mini intervention. I was organizing and unpacking at Dad's. They came over to stop me. Because in being nice and doing a nice thing for him, it has now become his expecation that I will do it. Like it's my job.

Today was my first day to not do anything for him. It didn't quite work out that way, but it was a start. I felt guilty the whole time, but it was a start.

Next will be to stop doing all things for everyone when they can do them themselves. Saying no might be tougher than I think.

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