Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Butter face

I went to the dentist this morning. Two fillings and an impression for a night guard. I am joining the ranks of sexy women forced to wear head gear to bed. Yeah, that's hot.

It took 4 needles to freeze my face. One for the top and three for the bottom. I attempted to explain to the dentist that my nerves are in the wrong places (and he exclaimed excitedly, "Oh an anatomical anomaly!") However, having explained that, he still put the needle in the wrong area and froze the back of my throat. Thanks.

I am now incredibly frozen and not likely to thaw out for many hours. I feel a bit like Jabba the Hut. My tongue is too big for my mouth and my lips are swollen but stretched too thin across my face. I look perfectly normal, but feel like a circus freak. I now understand why Jabba didn't have many (if any?) teeth. He would have chewed his tongue right off. I'm lucky though, even if I bite my tongue off, I can't swollow anything, so they will be able to find it to reattach later.

I am now trying to figure out what I can eat. I need something soft that I don't have to chew but not liquid as I cannot keep anything between my giagantor lips. I tried to have a drink upon returning home. The result was me taking a sip with the one side of my mouth that isn't frozen, holding my lips closed with my fingers, throwing my head back and letting it dribble down my throat.

I'm so pretty. Oh so pretty.


  1. Try pudding or apple sauce.

    Ps. Ha ha

  2. At least you're finally owning up to your prettiness. About bleeding time!

  3. Ooooh, I feel for ya!! I would say eat ice cream, but you'd probably have to scoop it into your mouth and tilt your head back to let it slide down.

    But hey, we can all use more excuses to ice cream. Am I right?? :-)

    (Feel better!)

  4. welcome to the world of night guards!! I have one myself and it's ooooh so sexy..especially when I take it out and there is a string of drool following it...oh baby!


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